Milk the Pigeon. Live life Boldly.

I Did All the Right Things… So Why is Life Screwing Me?

by Alexander Heyne · 13 comments

nice-guy-emotions

“I did all the right things… so why did I get screwed by life?”

This story is something very commonly heard these days. People playing by the rules and not being taken care of.

What’s interesting about this, to me, is that this is something very similar to what nice guys say when they get rejected by woman after woman after woman.

So I call this “nice guy syndrome.”

————————————————–

I am a former nice guy. I was a nice guy for a long time. Until I was about 22 actually.

Through college, I was the guy who was always told by women “you’re the guy I’d marry, but not date.” In other words, I wasn’t fun, spontaneous, mysterious, and didn’t have cool stories. They were just being nice.

I wasn’t a machisto with cool ambition, man skills, and a grand plan for life. Consequently, I never once got the girl I wanted. Story of a nice guy’s life.

Since that time, all of those things have changed almost 180. And that was deliberate.

You see, I realized that nice guys have a set of highly undesirable personality traits (even as husbands). And these nice guy traits are the same ones that people who get screwed by life have.

The traits of “nice guys” (Aka guys who get screwed by women, and get screwed by life)

A couple things about nice guys:

They’re polite, afraid of stepping on toes, try not to be too controversial, too nice, not opinionated
They’re safe and secure, more on the conservative side
They have no backbone, no fight in them, no confidence
They’re smiles 24/7. Even if pissed, sad, upset, or anxious.
They are very conventional and ordinary
They love predictability, stability

People that get screwed over by life:

Polite, afraid to ask for anything, challenge authority, or do something never done before
Take the safe and secure route, play their cards “realistically,” get the predictable jobs, take the pre-set route
They don’t have any fight – they don’t fight for things they love, they don’t fight for a better life, and just kinda settle in life without much kicking and screaming
Very ordinary lives. No real dream or ambition, very typical relationships, 9-5 the same, 5-9 usually the same
Terrified of change and don’t make moves, even when they are miserable

See the parallels here?

It’s kinda interesting actually.

The nice guy personality is (in my opinion) deadly if you want to truly live a fulfilled life. So let me tell you the remedy.

No More Mr. Nice Guy…

One of the first things I did when I wanted to stop being a nice guy was this: I stopped giving a fuck about trying to please everyone – whether or not you agreed with my plan was tough shit. [click to continue…]

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When You Learn How to Die, You Learn How to Live

by Alexander Heyne · 18 comments

“When you learn how to die, you truly learn how to live.”

- Tuesdays With Morrie

Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. And I’ve been thinking a lot about the following question:

If it were my last one, would I be happy with what I’ve done with my life?

Not in an egoic, “look at all the shit I’ve accomplished” type way. More of an “am I doing what I really am meant to do?” kind of way.

Would I be happy dying at 26 knowing that I’ve found my path, and have truly lived?

People have it all backwards

The above quote – when you learn how to die, you learn how to truly live – is something from Tuesdays with Morrie.

Morrie was a terminally ill professor giving his friend / former student lessons in life. And towards the end of his life, his teachings became increasingly spiritual.

One of the practices he took up was something that many Buddhists are familiar with:

Every day when you wake up, imagine a bird on your shoulder. It says: “is today the day? Am I doing everything that I need to do? Would I be content if this were my last day? Am I truly living? Is my life worth anything – is it meaningful? Am I being the person I want to be, and living the life I want?”

When You’re Dying It Cuts Away the Fat in Life

If I were actually dying, what would be the top things that are the most important to me in life? How would I actually live?

A couple months back I talked about a young friend who died of cancer – he told me about how he spent his entire life acquiring stuff to fill his NYC apartment. Literally, 20 years of work just to buy clothes and furniture for a nice bachelor pad, that now he was all giving away because he’d be dust soon.

So I thought about it: how would I actually live? How would I maximize each day? What would change?

I came up with a list:

When you’re dying, 95% of the shit you go through every day is totally and utterly unimportant. Bitching at people in traffic. Useless. Complaining about being shortchanged a dollar. A job you hate, that you go to just so you can pay your bills in a lifestyle you hate. Reading celebrity magazines. None of that shit means anything. Dying just makes you realize it.
When you’re dying, most of the physical shit doesn’t matter anymore. Meaning takes more importance. People, higher meaning, work that is fucking sweet, finding your work, travel and experiences all take the foreground.
Everything you do really is special. I challenge those of you in a relationship to do something that is a reminder of this: Next time you kiss your girlfriend/boyfriend, spend 30 seconds and really be present. Pretend it’s the first and last kiss of your life – feel the texture of the lips, slow down and turn a one second kiss into a ten second kiss, then a 30 second kiss. Use all your senses. That’s why dying makes you feel alive.

Most Of What You Do Everyday is Meaningless – Dying Just Makes You Realize It

[click to continue…]

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How to Figure Out What the Hell To Do With Your Life

by Alexander Heyne · 3 comments

Milk the pigeon began with one huge question: What the hell do I want to do with my life?

You see, I knew that I wanted to do big things, and that those big things had nothing to do with the day to day bullshit I was dealing with at work and in my life.

I just couldn’t figure out what. And there were a lot of tough questions that needed answering.

That period of my life really sucked… if you’ve read the manifesto you can tell how much I had that burning fire to escape the rat race.

Maybe I was stubborn, or maybe I was just a naive youth. But whatever the case I could not see the justification in sitting in a 9 to 5 for 40 years, and then retiring. Even if you had it good (which I did, when I started this site), I just wasn’t fulfilled.

I was existing… rather than living. I had a great job, an amazing salary for someone right out of college, and a pretty good life.

But a year later, when life was the exact same, that sneaky, insidious feeling crept up on me again.

“There has got to be more to life. This sucks.”

That single sentence “There has got to be more to life.” birthed Milk the Pigeon – my journey

Since then, Milk the Pigeon has grown into a site with 1/2 million views a year, an entire forum discussing my ebook, and thousands upon thousands of emails from readers who are saying “thank you” because they are going through the same thing.

I’ve answered many of those tough questions since the site started.

In fact, I was getting the same 5 or 10 questions from the many thousands of emails I get, like:

How do I live a meaningful life? My entire existence feels pointless… I did what everyone told me, got the great job, got married, and had kids. But I’m still not happy. What’s going on?
What should I do with my life?
How can I not get sucked into the bullshit of working 40 hours a week as someone else’s bitch, for the next 40 years?
How can I find my passion? What is my passion? Do I have one?
I’m totally lost in life and don’t have a clue what to do
My life really sucks right now and I just have no idea how to get out of this funk

After many thousands of hours of experimentation, and having answered some of these own questions in my personal life, there really are a few key things that I have learned.

For months and months I thought about making a class for you guys that would answer all these questions.

The Ultimate Figure Out What The Hell to do With Your Life (And Find Your Dream Job) Program

I’ve answered these questions before in the 150+ blogposts on this site, sometimes really in-depth, but I always wanted to make a course where these would all be together in one area.

One of my friends, Therese (who blogs at Theunlost.com) has a very similar audience: people trying to figure out what the hell to do with their lives. I’m also proud to announce that her class covers the exact suggestions I’ve made to you guys.

Therese (who is funny as hell – don’t worry it’s not boring), talks about stuff like:

Why you don’t need to have all your shit figured out
Why “having it all figured out” is a total myth
Why you can’t think your way to the answer (and figure out what move to take next)
The real key secrets to experimentation and finding your passion – and why what you’re doing now won’t get you there
I know you’re looking for more than just work you love - you’re looking for fulfilling work that fills that void in life
Therese’s 3 part system to help you experiment and find a career, without risking too much time or money, and without constant job hopping

So if you want to check it out, there’s a Move-lah version, ($149) or a basic version ($49 ) – you can also watch this intro video real quick (module 1):

This Is For You If…

This 8-part e-course is for you if you’re looking to find that epic life path you’ve been searching for, in addition to a job you love – since (let’s be honest) the two are often intertwined. It appeals to a few types of people:

Students, recent grads, or anyone at all who hasn’t a clue what they want to do with their life or where to start;
Anyone who is unhappy in their current profession and has the feeling that “there has to be something more,” but they aren’t quite sure what it is or how to get there;
Current professionals who would like to make a career switch. You’ve been in the game for a few years, but are getting tired need some new shit on your plate (damn that analogy was terrible)

Why This Program Makes me Giddy as a School Girl

Alright.

One of the biggest things I’ve realized in the past few years (that I now talk about here), is that you do not need to know the destination to get started.

In fact, setting 5 year goals is probably the dumbest thing you can do.

Do you have any idea how much my life has changed just in the past year? I read 40 books, traveled to half a dozen countries, started multiple businesses, failed multiple businesses, made friends and fired even more friends.

The biggest lie in life is that you need to know steps 1-50, in order to take step 2. Buuuuulllshit.

That’s the biggest obstacle to you taking ANY action – your brain. You have to get out of your brain and into your body.

That’s what this program is all about. And that’s why it makes me giddy as a schoolgirl.

So What’s in This Bad Boy?

what you'll get 1

And in the premium version:

what you'll get 2

There’s a Move-lah version which includes bonus video interviews with experts, a private community and support, which is $149.

And there’s a basic version which is $49.

What One Cool-Ass Chick Said After Taking the Course

The Unlost course, from the brilliant Therese Schwenkler is hands down the best course of its kind I’ve seen on the internet to help you get on the path to finding your way in the world.

Therese’s methodology is like no other one out there. Plus, she’s hi-larious and if you bought this solely for the entertainment value, it would be worth the price.

But it’s not just for entertainment. You’ll be getting incredible information and techniques to help you find your career and life path, and (if you choose the Move-lah version, which I highly recommend) you’ll get super-awesome support from your peers, Therese and other group leaders… The value is just off the charts.

I truly believe in this course so much and I’ve seen what it’s done for myself and for all of the other graduates. The process in this course will serve you well for the rest of your life… well worth the ridiculously low cost of $149.

- Sarah Goshman, blogger extrordionnaire and coach at NoHelpHere.com

Imagine a Day in the Life

If this program sketches you guys out, just email me!

But before you go I want you to just consider what life would feel like if you finally knew you were on the path you were meant to be on.

Imagine if you couldn’t wait until tomorrow because you knew it was taking you one step closer to your ideal life.

Imagine if you woke up and knew exactly what you were doing – there was no longer the fear of making the wrong decision or getting lost.

Imagine if over the next 2-3 months that feeling of being “lost” in life vanished altogether, and you slowly figured out what you’re here on earth to do?

How much is that worth to you?

Check it out .

Grab the the move-lah version (her recommended one), which is 149 and includes video interviews with experts, mentors, and friends, private mastermind groups & more.

Grab the basic version which is $49 (the price of a month of Starbucks mocha-doppa-frappa-lappucinos)

BONUS: If You Buy The Program, I’ll Throw in All 3 of Tim Ferriss’s Books (Free)

For Milk the pigeon readers:

If you purchase this program through my link, one of you will get all 3 of Tim Ferriss’s books from me for free as a bonus, fresh off the hot Amazon press, delivered straight to your door with a personalized love note from yours truly (U.S. readers only – sorry!)

Tim Ferriss 3 books

On amazon.com the price of all three of these books together is around $50.00 – which is actually MORE than the price of the basic level in the program.

So if you’ve always wanted to read Tim Ferriss’s books, I’m literally sending you them free if you buy her program through my site. It’s literally cheaper to buy the program (and then get the books free) than to just straight up buy the books.

As always, shoot me an email if you have any questions about the program –

So, grab the the move-lah version.

Grab the basic version

It just may be that key that helps you figure it all out. It’s also a 100% money back guarantee, so if you buy it, think “this isn’t right for me” you’ll get an instant refund.. and you can keep the Tim Ferriss books.

– Alex

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The #1 Reason You’re Not Getting Where/What You Want in Life (And How to Fix It)

by Alexander Heyne · 17 comments

sun

The other day, I sat down with a close friend who was pretty lost in life.

After having spent entirely too much time brainstorming why people feel “lost” myself, I asked my friend what he would rather be doing. In other words, what does he want to do.

“Uhhhh, not sure…. travel, or something?” he said.

“Alright… more specifically, what do you want to do?” I said.

“To be honest I have no idea.”

After I realized that the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, I realized that this is insanely common.

I talk to people all the time who want to change their life circumstances, but they have no idea what step to take. They complain, bitch and moan, but don’t even spend thirty seconds coming up with a baby step to take in some direction.

… And that’s because THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.

In the manifesto, one of the subjects of an entire chapter was this: “It’s virtually impossible to get what you want unless you know what you want.”

In fact, someone just last week brought to my attention the fact that there’s an entire book written around this principle, called “It Works!”

Here’s what you need to know about this little magic formula.

If you’re lost in life, with many paths you can take, which one do you choose?

If you have no idea where each path leads, does it really matter?

But if you know the end point of each path – and it’s in a direction you want to be going, suddenly you know in which direction to take the first step.

The reason so many people have no clue which way to go – why they feel resistance in every direction – is because they haven’t chosen something specific they want to fix, and a specific outcome they want.

Example 1: My life sucks, I want it to change.

…Great, that was supremely vague, no wonder you feel insanely lost.

Let’s try that again.

Better Example: My job sucks, I want it to change.

Alright, now we’re getting somewhere.

But what specifically about your job do you need to change? The income? The people you work with? The hours? What? What in the hell do you want to change?

Specificity is not just key in business – it’s also key in life. [click to continue…]

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The Art of Defending Your Dream

by Alexander Heyne · 11 comments

Defending your dream is like hiding a priceless jewel that people are looking for.

People are constantly lurking around every corner looking to steal it from you -to take a piece of it, or take the whole thing if they get the chance.

Defending and protecting your dream quite possibly is one of the loneliest paths in existence, and often is a solitary one.

And unfortunately, the attackers are well-intentioned friends, family, and acquaintances who are merely stuck in a cycle of mediocrity that they have no idea how to escape.

****

Just the other day, I was telling someone about my new business pursuit.

It’s something that I invest 4-6 hours a day, 7 days a week into, all while working and keeping up with my ordinary life. In other words – it’s something I’m serious about – not a passing fad, not a fading interest, and not a short-lived passion.

The person I was talking to started off interested, but within 30 seconds just kind of rolled their eyes, wandered off, and starting talking about their own stuff.

It got me thinking – sometimes the people that are most damaging to your confidence are not the people who are outright hostile – it’s often the people who don’t care or don’t believe in you.

When I was 16, a friend of mine told me about her elaborate plan to change the world, in her own unique way.

“Good luck…I’ll believe it when I see it!” I said sarcastically.

“I’d rather you believe in me and I prove you right,” she replied, “rather than you not believe in me and I prove you wrong.”

I never forgot it.

Three Kinds of Dream Parasites

There are three kinds of parasitic people that will try to steal your priceless jewel if you don’t protect it.

A. The Raptors (Aka those mothafuckin’ mediocre folks – who unfortunately often include friends and family)

The raptors don’t sugar coat it and they usually go right for the kill – often because it clashes with their own version of “reality” which they’ve settled for.

“You’re a dumbass.”

“That plans sounds dumb.”

“How are you going to pay for that?”

“What are your parents going to think?”

“Laughter”

Their first response is always doubt. They never are encouraging – they never say, alright, go for it! Let’s see it. They immediately blowtorch your aspirations.

The raptors are the most offensive of all the dream thieves, and they usually make you feel primal anger. They make you want to say “fuck off, and don’t talk to me ever again.” — and you should. You don’t need those kind of people around you.

But there’s another problem – raptors are usually friends and family - people you can’t exactly tell to fuck off (well, not all the time, anyways).

The reason that they are usually friends and family is because they know you very well, know your strengths, know your limitations, and most of all, know whether or not you’re full of shit.

Know that the worst blows will often come from friends and family. It’s no coincidence whatsoever.

B. The Sloths (“don’t care”)

The sloths are passive — which is almost as bad as aggressive.

They just nod and smile at everything you say, secretly knowing you won’t, or can’t, do what you’re talking about.

If you say a lot of things and don’t follow through, your life is unfortunately probably filled with many sloths. They’ve observed your past history and often will just nod along (pretending not to put you down), and then go on their way.

Sloths are friends that are slowly living their “lives of quiet desperation,” not trying to stir up too much drama in life, live it out, and then die without making much of a difference.

They have retreated and are building their little garden to tend to.

Unfortunately, even though they aren’t flat-out calling you an idiot, they don’t offer any support. Instead of a room of people telling you to shut up, it’s a quiet room.

C. The Sneaky Bastards(“Envy”)

Sneaky bastards reek of envy.

Even if you financed massive trip around the world by yourself, they’ll make a scathing comment about your rich mommy or daddy, or about how “lucky” you are to have a good job that pays for everything.

Sneaky bastards are everywhere – but usually they are friends accustomed to seeing you self-actualize (Aka – go for the really important stuff in life) while they are left behind.

These kinds of folks sometimes are really excited for you — they are genuinely interested. But when arguments get heated, they pull out the real firepower. Mostly they just talk behind your back about how spoiled and lucky you are for doing whatever it is you do.

Protecting Your Gem