9 Ways to Suck at Life and Never Accomplish Anything

by Alexander Heyne · 2 comments

Really Ridiculously Predictable Ways to Fail

The following is going to be kept short and sweet.  There is going to be a list of 9 basic ways to guaranteed fail at learning a skill, accomplishing your work goals, or realizing dreams.  This one may mess with your head a little, so pay attention!

9 Ways to Really Suck at Life

1. Don’t ever have dreams.

You know, because no one famous or who has succeeded in life has ever had dreams either. Most of them just blindly worked a blistering amount of hours, barefoot uphill both ways, right?

2. Don’t have any goals.

Goals are totally pointless and are only long-term.  What’s the point of writing down my five and ten year plan if I’m only going to forget it? Besides, who actually writes down their goals?  Besides, it’s easy to track my own progress in my head.

3. Don’t learn new skills according to the principles of “deliberate practice.”

Everyone knows that the greatest of the great in all fields got that way just by sheer hours put in. 10,000 hours, or something like that.  There can’t be a faster, smarter way to learn skills..

4. Don’t ever consider that there is more than one way to do something.

Innovators are stupid hippy dreamers who don’t have their feet on the ground. Besides, why would I make up a new way to do something if someone has already done it for me? Wall-street guarantees my 6 figure income and heart attack. That’s all I want from life!

5. Don’t live your life according to Dr. Csikczentmihalyi’s principles on “Flow.”

Like I said, life enjoyment comes from cars, women, shallow relationships, and pretty much getting what you want.  Who needs anything else?  There can’t be a formula for success, for happiness, for the ability to sleep well at night.  No one has studied it and anyways, there’s no way that one principle underlies human happiness.

6. Don’t ever think to yourself “If I have a burning desire for something, I can get it.”

Self-help is for tools, anyway.

7.  Have dreams but don’t have the balls to do the work for them.

Ehhhh the remote is.. so… far..away. You mean I have to work for some money?  I have to work double the hours the week I get back If I want to skip out to Thailand for two weeks?  Ughhhhh too much effort.

8. Definitely don’t have the unshakable conviction that what you want, you deserve and can get.

Whelp, that was difficult.  Good thing I can flee to China and become an English teacher!

9. Always let other people influence your drive.

Daddy says I’m a little whiner. Mommy says I’m a quitter.  My friends say I have stupid dreams and don’t have the ambition. My girlfriend thinks that I’m a junkie drop out. Well THAT was the easiest decision of my life! Back to World of Warcraft.

Ponder these and let me know what you think. If you’re life isn’t based on principles, what is it based on?

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Timo August 14, 2011 at 5:13 am

That’s a nice one :)
obviously we all got some principles that we try to observe in order to be the guy we want and do in the right way the things we want.
Now i think that a lot of people don’t observe the good principles, that’s why they fail, because they continue hard, but in the wrong way.
I think we all should observe different angles on somethin.

So yeah that’s a nice one alex :) and the pictures is perfect for sure !!


afheyne August 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Haha I figured you’d like that one.


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