How to: Pick up Any Girl, Build a Million Dollar Business, and Make a Bangin’ Chocolate Mousse Cake Every Time (And Why You Need to Know All This)

by Alexander Heyne · 8 comments

Insanitydoing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

-Albert Einstein

There is a startling large amount of research that goes into making simple products you use on a daily basis.

The soap in your public restroom, for example, has probably undergone dozens of tests regarding smell, color, and texture – and which is most appealing to people.

That’s why pretty much wherever you go, you get that pleasant cherry scented soap that makes you want to sniff it like one of those markers in kindergarten.

The same is true for which color suits salesmen wear – navy blue suit wearing salesmen have been shown to outsell every other colored suit-wearing salesman.

The arrangement of hospitals, schools, the presentation of food in restaurants, the certain shapes and colors behind logos — all are backed up by a shit ton of research.

It’s scary. But it’s effective as hell.  That’s why many successful people and organizations have a system behind everything they do.  It saves an immense amount of time and improves efficiency.

The world is subtly run by science: whether or not you know it, whether or not you like it.

Which is why it’s mind blowing to me that more people don’t go about their lives more scientifically.

The prettiest girl in the bar…

…Often hears the same 400 lines over and over.  Most men in dating / pick up situations do the exact same thing over, and over, and over and just get depressed because it’s not working.

But the problem is that their strategy goes like this:

“Hey, where are you from?”

“So, you come here a lot?’

“So what do you do?”

… All 3 questions are about as fucking interesting as herpes.

Trying “what’s your name?” on 15 women does not constitute serious effort.

The problem is that you’re probably nodding along (Especially if you’re a woman), but it’s painfully not at all obvious to men.

Unfortunately, the same is true with most of us in almost every pursuit! We haphazardly go from task to task without any rhyme or reason, not recording results or trying new strategies.

The insanity that men put themselves through is pretty similar to the insanity most of us go through building a business or failing to do so.  (Note: I haven’t built a million dollar business yet, so take this with a big ass grain of salt)

How I made my bazillion dollar business…

… Is gonna be the title of a future blog post.

Eric Reis coined the term The Lean Startup, which is his system for building a successful business.The Lean Start Up It’s sexy. It’s as close as it comes to a science regarding how to build a company that provides value and thus is useful — aka profitable.

His basic idea is a feedback loop, where instead of focusing on each step of the equation, you seek to go through the whole circuit as fast as possible.

It’s based on an understanding of the following: as much as we think we know what our customers want, we really don’t.

Thus the need to rapidly test, and rapidly abandon, ideas. (Hint: don’t offer to buy the pretty girl a beer. Tell her she smells like your grandma instead.. “She smelled really good!”)

It’s sort of one of those yes/no flowcharts except for building a successful business — obviously it doesn’t guarantee anything, but as far as roadmaps go, its good.

The problem is that people like you and I, people who haven’t built a business before, tend to not be scientific in our approach to business.

And we waste a shitload of time and money.

Since blogging is the newest entrepreneurial thing going on, I’ll use it as an example:

Most bloggers (99%+) don’t:

  • Test (Content types, lengths, platforms / marketing strategies / exposure strategies)
  • Record monthly analytics of their blog, as well as data on each of their tests
  • Ruthlessly abandon what sucks
  • Start over and test something new

It’s the scientific method. And it’s there because it fucking works.

And the above reasons are why 99%+ of blogs suck, fail, and are abandoned within 2 years.  Never to produce the income people so dearly wished for.

Eric Ries’ Lean Methodology is all about testing asap, seeing what works best asap, and then going with what works. And ditching the stuff that doesn’t.

Try “Hey, what’s your name?” on 5 pretty girls and if it still sucks and fails (it will), pick a new line.

How to make a bangin’ chocolate cake every time

Are you slowly seeing where I’m going with this?

When it comes to making food, we have a plan.. a method.. recipes.

They’re called RECIPES for a reason. You follow it and you know what to expect.  You put your blob in the oven and you know a cake (and not gremlins) is going to come out.

There are recipes for success: even if the recipe itself is a system, rather than 2 cups flour and 3 eggs.

With a chocolate cake, unless you’re an artisan baker or your mom taught you the recipe for 40 years, you look in a cookbook. And you just do what it says.

And it comes out bangin’ every single time.


Introduction to Bad-Assery And Overnight Success

In business or in relationships with people it’s not exactly as clear cut as 2 cups flour and 3 eggs.  It’s complex. Failure happens, a lot.

But there is a system to increase productivity, reduce failure, and dramatically increase success in every facet of life.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s called the Scientific Method. 

And the truth is that if we were even a little bit more systematic about the way we do things, we would fail less and succeed more often.

It discourages haphazard testing and encourages systematic thinking that automates most processes.


There are 3 basic tenets:

  • Have a question (aka hypothesis)
  • Do an experiment (test it)
  • Record the results (write that shit down)
  • Decide whether or not it’s worthwhile to continue doing what you are, and if not, test something else

It’s insultingly simple really.

The Non-Scientific Method 

Guy: Hey can I get you a beer?

Pretty Girl: Smiles politely and turns away.

*new girl*

Guy: Hey can I get you a beer?

Pretty Girl: Smiles politely and turns away.

*new girl*

Guy: Hey can I get you a beer?

Pretty Girl: Smiles politely and turns away.

Pretty Effective.

The Scientific Method

After getting the first 5 head turns, instead of wondering whether or not you have bad breath and look like Zach Galifianakis (no offense), you decide to try something new.

Guy: What perfume is that? Reminds me of my grandma. She was so sweet..

Pretty Girl: ?!?!

Well, you got more than a head turn. You got her attention at least, even if only for a short while.

Remember the lean startup feedback loop – the goal is not to spend time on the idea, or the product, or the feedback even – but to go through the entire cycle as quickly as bloody possible.

With the chocolate mousse cake you already have a recipe — but those ingredients aren’t subject to chance, variation, and uncertainty.

But even in the case of building a business or picking up a model — where there is a ton of uncertainty, variation, and sometimes luck involved — you can dramatically improve the outcome (every single time) by using a system.

You’ve tested your idea (the pick up line), you’ve measured the results (smack in the face / smile / polite turn away ), you adjust your strategy (use the same one, change it), and you reach success and stick with it, or failure and you change it.

There is a method to some madness.. And if we even became a little more scientific and serious about the way we go about doing things, success would quadruple over night. Failure would halve.

So remember, instead of being a madman or madwomen… test.. measure.. tweak… BOOM — bazillion dollar business / 10 blonde / bangin’ as hell chocolate mousse cake!

Well, maybe not.  But they’ll come with 1/2 the headache, that I can guarantee.

Idea, test, feedback… Don’t speculate, don’t keep doing things with sub-par results. Don’t keep doing things haphazardly if you want serious results.

Let me know, do you think there are systems in other facets of life that pretty much guarantee improved success?  

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Annie Andre January 24, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I absolutely love that you think analytically. I come from a web database analytics background and i actually do too much testing. I’ve had to learn to not dwell on the data. I think data is very important but you hit the nail on the head when you say, you have to move quickly, fail a alot even and move on quickly until you get it right. No dwelling aloud.
I’m performing my own tests on my blog all the time. I actually enjoy it. (SNORT). I’m testing to see how removing dates from posts effects page views and shares. Next week i plan on doing some A/B testing if i can ever find the time to get a landing page up for my services.


Baking of any sort is really a science.
The pick up lines don’t seem to change no matter what country you are in. It’s so sad i was picked up at a bar while eating with my husband. LOL.


afheyne January 24, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I’m a scientist haha, hard not to think analytically when you studied Biology.

A lot of bloggers really don’t test much you know? And it surprises me.

Yeah baking is definitely a science, but for guys like me — the cookbook will have to do hahaha, and I usually know what’s going to come out.

And the pick up lines… yeah it’s hilarious. I love people watching wherever I go.

And being picked up while eating with your husband – hahah, hilarious although not surprising. I’ve had people in restaurants obviously hit on a girl while she’s eating with her boyfriend right there. Hilarious to watch.. that’s for sure.


Jeff Chen January 25, 2012 at 12:52 am

i’ll take two chocolate gremlin cakes please


afheyne January 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

Haha yessir, pronto.


M. Tohami January 30, 2012 at 7:17 am

This reminds me of a book called Ready, Fire, Aim by Michael Masterson. Firing before aiming is a nice strategy to rapidly test ideas to see what works and what doesn’t.


afheyne January 30, 2012 at 11:55 am


Yeah Eric Reis talks a lot like that in his book The Lean Startup.

As a novice in the business field I often am very curious/nervous about building something for 6 months or a year, just to have it flop. That’s a lot of psychic energy and momentum you lose when something flops like that, you know?


lowlow July 3, 2013 at 6:06 pm

The prettiest girl in the bar? Riiight. So ‘pretty’ is the best thing a person can be. Can you give me some tips on chatting up the prettiest guy in the bar?


Alexander Heyne July 6, 2013 at 7:11 pm

No, pretty is not the best thing a person can be. It’s just the most intimidating thing for most average guys.

Wanna chat up the prettiest guy? Wear a low cut shirt. That’ll buy you 30 seconds; you need a personality after that.


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