Success is Never An Accident

by Alexander Heyne · 27 comments

Success, however you define it, is never an accident.

It’s funny – watch this awesome music video, and then read this guy’s comment:

“Life isn’t that beautiful, nobody can live like this, not even rich people.”

Here’s what I wrote back:

my responseSo let’s talk about how you can never end up like this guy.

As sad as it seems, he really believes this is a life unique to the top 1% of the world.

It’s not.

Living an Epic Life is NEVER An Accident

Dream job.

Dream lover.

Dream location

Dream life.

All of these things are DELIBERATELY CRAFTED.

This is my core message on milk the pigeon – if you want to live a special or extraordinary life, you have to PAY THE PRICE.

I don’t care about driving Ferraris and living in a mansion with playboy bunnies around me. But I DO want to travel more than the average person, I DO want to have an unconventional relationship with someone I love, I DO want to have unlimited options and not feel like I got STUCK in life because “that’s just what happened.”

I DO want to wake up and do exactly what I want, with whoever I want, wherever I want.

In other words, I wanted everything in my life to be a conscious choice: from the person I’m with, to the job I work, to how I spend every minute of my day.

Think about that: imagine if every part of your life was a CONSCIOUS choice – you literally wrote down on paper what you wanted, and now you have it.

It can be.

My life is becoming this more and more every day, and here’s why:

I’m beginning to live all these things because:

A. I figured out what I wanted (read this if you don’t know)

B. I worked (and continue to work) my ass off, in other words, I paid the price.

You Have to Pay the Price For Success and Fulfillment

What’s the price of having a six pack?

Regular gym time, and regular eating well.

If you’re 50 pounds over weight, that probably means 4 days a week lifting weights – so 4 hours a week – with at least 2 years.

That’s 416 hours in the gym.

Toss in the number of hours cooking healthy meals each week, for the 104 weeks in those 2 years, and maybe you have another 500 hours.

So you’re looking at maybe 1,000 hours for having a six pack. That’s the PRICE you have to pay.

What’s the price of having your own business that pays you while you sleep?

Regular grinding, putting in hours after your day job for as many years as it takes, some long days and weeks (and years) at the start.

Well, I can tell you that I put in 3-4 hours after each day of work.

And each weekend I spend about 6-10 hours (sometimes a lot more).

And some work days I even spend 5-6 hours.. on top of my 9 to 5.

You do the math – in the average year, the price I pay is over 1,500 hours…per year… on top of a 9-5 day job.

That’s the PRICE I have to pay to one day be free.

What’s the price of having a relationship that very few people on the earth have the pleasure of having?

Effort.

Living deliberately.

3, 5, 10, 20 years after the infatuation phase is gone, still buying your girlfriend flowers, making cute home-made cards, taking her out and dating her, bringing her on a hot air balloon with some champagne for her birthday, telling her “I love you” even when you’re pissed off at her.

But If You DON’T Live Deliberately – Life Will Give You Very Little

Here’s the thing:

Most of what happens to you in life, if you don’t choose, is mediocrity.

Dunno what career or job you want?

You’ll probably fall into a corporate job, giving you just enough money to survive and never more, with a douche boss, and coworkers that couldn’t give a shit about anything but American Idol.

Dunno what partner or spouse you want?

You’ll probably find a girl or guy that’s “good enough” and “will do” – and you’ll fall in love, and in three years you’ll fall out of love, it’ll grow stale, and if you’re brave you’ll break it off, and if you’re not you’ll stick with it and get married.

Dunno what kind of life you want?

You’ll get the same life as everyone else. The 9 to 5, the job that ranges from “ok” to “soul crushing,” the family that’s nice, the dreams you have but you never pursued, planning to travel but never doing it, and lots more.

It doesn’t have to be this way if you don’t want it to.

How to Live the Life You Want

Like I said, the kind of life you’re dreaming of has to be deliberately crafted.

It won’t happen on its own.

How do I know?

I get emails every single day from the thousands of men and women that say this exact sentence:

“I had all these dreams and just assumed they would happen. But now I’m 42, with a wife, kids and a mortgage, stuck at a job I hate, wondering how I even ended up in this life. I just feel like I’m in someone else’s life. I don’t know how I got here.”

Don’t let that happen to you.

There are only three things you need to know:

  1. Understand that this kind of life is DELIBERATE. It will NOT just happen.
  2. You need clarity about what you want. (Read this)
  3. You need to PAY the PRICE (do the work)

So today, do you know what you want?

And are you willing to pay the price for what you want?

Don’t wake up one way as the cynic who never had the guts to go for what he or she wanted. That life IS possible.

But you have to live deliberately, because success is never an accident.

 

 

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Nix Knox June 24, 2014 at 2:38 pm

Wonderful post. Three years ago I metaphorically set fire to my old life and started a new one. I dropped abusive people, useless “friends,” and went after my dream job writing full time. I’ve looked back a few times, but only to see how far I’ve come. Things aren’t perfect, but that’s okay. I know where I’m going and I have a good idea of how to get there. Choosing to live deliberately was the first and most important step.

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Alexander Heyne June 25, 2014 at 9:46 am

Love it Nix! Keep going, it gets better I promise.

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Dan June 25, 2014 at 12:22 pm

Good for you Nix. Dropping the toxic people is already a 75% victory. :D

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Ken June 24, 2014 at 8:41 pm

Great post.

I’m happy that you paid the price. Now it’s my turn.

Will return in a few years.

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Alexander Heyne June 25, 2014 at 9:45 am

Git r done Ken!

And paying the price never ends. I will continue to pay the price! It doesn’t have to be painful though – just a tiny habit per day is sometimes all it takes.

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Mike June 25, 2014 at 12:27 am

so true. But to raise hope: Even for the “42 with a wife, kids and a mortgage, stuck at a job I hate” – guys: It’s never too late.

I started living the life I love in my mid 40th. It took me 2 years of changing almost everything in my life – my mindset, my business, my relationship(s) …

And today, 3 more years later, living in one country for allways one year (birthday to birthday), right now enjoying the relaxed life in SEA I can say … it works. Even if you start latish. And it’s worth the price.

You only have to do it. And – yes – pay the price

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Alexander Heyne June 25, 2014 at 9:45 am

Love this Mike! And thank you for chiming in about the “even for the 42″ situation. I get a lot of emails from people who feels like it’s hopeless if they aren’t 22 again.

Great advice !

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Jascha June 25, 2014 at 4:19 am

This is real good stuff, Alex!
Thanks a lot!

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Alexander Heyne June 25, 2014 at 9:44 am

Cheers Jascha

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Andrew June 25, 2014 at 6:25 am

I get your point of view and your advice. However there will always be an exception right? Well I am that exception. I have struggled to be a pilot as a career for the past 20yrs. Had the crap jobs to pay for the qualifications, re trained when seeking a job in UK. Sept 11 kills the aviation market, Kuewait war, Iraq war, SARS, Swine flu, Redundancy, Recession, Airlines going bust or getting grounded are all my experiences of affecting me along the way. Right now I am giving it one more shot and have been living in Backpackers the past 4 months chasing jobs here in Australia, and let me tell you the shit I am putting myself through is totally putting me off my Dream!!

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Alexander Heyne June 25, 2014 at 9:43 am

Hey Andrew,

What’s your dream now? Is it still related to aviation or something else?

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V June 25, 2014 at 10:52 am

I’ve been following your blog for a while and I think you’ve got most of the things right.
It seems to me though that you are totally wrong with this:

>3, 5, 10, 20 years after the infatuation phase is gone, still buying your girlfriend flowers, making cute home-made cards, taking her out and dating her, bringing her on a hot air balloon with some champagne for her birthday, telling her “I love you” even when you’re pissed off at her.

It just does not work that way. The way that you describe will put you right where everybody else is. Here is a book that might give you a different perspective (take it with a grain of salt of course, but some observations are worth the reading): http://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279

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Alexander Heyne June 25, 2014 at 3:01 pm

Cool, I’ll check it out V!

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Dan June 25, 2014 at 12:19 pm

Great post, Alex. Or as George Harrison once said, “We paid a “big” price with our nervous systems and loss of privacy”.

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Lorna Kalimashe June 26, 2014 at 6:07 am

Hi Alexander

Firstly, let me start by saying THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU! Your ebook came at a time when I needed it the most. I have been so stressed out for the past few months because I feel stuck. I am turning 25 in August and have been feeling life’s pressures just piling on, I feel like I am not where I wanted to be by 25.

I’m sick and tired of the 9-5 rush. I am really unhappy – so after reading your ebook I’ve decided to somehow put more thought into where I want to go and what my purpose is – it’s still a bit confusing because I’m not yet sure how to go about it, but i definately know that there is something bigger and better out there and I just need to find it. Thank you once again for your inspiring words.

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Alexander Heyne June 26, 2014 at 10:31 am

You’re welcome Lorna! Glad I could help. So what’s the next step for you?

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bruno June 27, 2014 at 3:17 pm

thank you alexander! you helped to save my life!
I am now starting to live the kind of live i want becaseu half na year ago i was so down and did not know the pupuse of my life, but i started to read your things and that gave me inspiration to start to live boldy ! i am getting happier and more sucseefull than i ever imagined! thank you so much alexander and you are doing a great work inspiring people! May we inspire other people with our lifes and exemples as well! All the best!
Bruno, Portuguese.

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Alexander Heyne June 29, 2014 at 3:20 pm

You’re welcome Bruno :-). Keep fighting the good fight!

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Niki June 28, 2014 at 10:02 am

I totally agree! You want something, you work for it. No one will come and make things better for you. The problem is…nobody is telling you this when you are young. All you hear is “go to school, get a job, get married ….”
I see around me every day people like in your email. And it’s one of the things that motivates me to keep going!
Great post Alex :) Have a wonderful weekend !

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Alexander Heyne June 29, 2014 at 3:22 pm

Exactly Niki! No one tells us that hey, there is no road map. You have to figure out the map and create it yourself – THEN do the work.

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D July 11, 2014 at 7:52 am

…but what if you are alone, with no family support, friends..love?
I know what i want to do with my life, its just much harder without anyone on your side.

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Alexander Heyne July 17, 2014 at 1:05 pm

D – join the inner circle here, I’ll be opening it up in September.

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Mel September 7, 2014 at 12:42 am

Thank you for writing this. No one ever talks about how you have to work hard for the dream life and that everyone’s dream life is very different. Realized yesterday after taking the Briggs Myers personality test that my current (somewhat traditional) career path makes me sad because it’s incompatible with my personality type. I was like, ‘FINALLY! AN EXPLANATION!!’ I feel like I’ve reached a turning point. Last year I chased the “make it in NYC” dream and failed. Going there was a mistake and I’m glad it didn’t work out now. It paved the way for this moment.

I’m only 26 but I’ve knocked a lot of stuff off my bucket list. I’ve failed at things and succeeded at other things. After reading this and several other posts here, I think it’s time to come up with some NEW things to accomplish and a new career path. I LOVE that music video!! That video is literally EVERYTHING I want to do one day! See the world, tour foreign cities, eat great food, have great sex, stay in awesome hotels. I don’t care about being super rich, as long as my life isn’t boring and stationary I’ll be happy. More blog posts like this please :)

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Alexander Heyne September 7, 2014 at 11:08 am

Haha, and it’s all attainable Mel!

And yea, very few people give you the “REAL SCOOP” when it comes to success or even just living a great life. It’s a lot of hard ass, sometimes boring work – for years – before you get there. You usually just see people on the horizon, finally coming up into the sunlight – but you rarely see then entering or being lost in the darkness.

What did your Briggs-Myers personality test show you that made you think you were incompatible?

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Chris November 4, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Great articles, you the man Alex! Life is beginning to look more and more like a beautiful pair of tits! ;D

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Alexander Heyne November 5, 2014 at 6:49 pm

LOL – thanks Chris.

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