3 Reasons Why People Will Hate You For Being Successful (But Why You Should Make It Happen Anyway)

by Alexander Heyne · 109 comments

Business man cliff

It’s lonely at the top. 99% of the world is convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for the mediocre middle-ground. The level of competition is thus fiercest for “realistic” goals, paradoxically making them the most time- and energy-consuming. It is easier to raise $10,000,000 than it is $1,000,000. It is easier to pick up the one perfect 10 in the bar than the five 8s. If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”

- Tim Ferriss

Everyone glorifies success, but no one ever tells you about the downside that can crush you.

We see it everywhere, and I’m one of the worst offenders – feverishly pursue something you care about and “get successful”  no matter what it takes.

It all seems like unicorns and rainbows – once you get “there” life is easy. With influence, you have opportunities. With money, you have choice. With time, you can do whatever the hell you want.

The truth is that most people glorify only the good parts of success because they aren’t successful yet – and thus don’t realize the dark nature.

Here’s what they didn’t tell you.

Why Everyone Hates You When You’re At The Top


There’s a little known fact that the more successful you become – happier, healthier, fitter, more content – the more the average person begins to hate you.

Think about. Let’s take a dramatic example. A guy rolls up in a smokin’ hot red ferrari to the restaurant you’re having dinner at.

99% of people, after looking at the car, will assume hundreds of things.

Like MJ Demarco talks about in his book The Millionaire Fastlane, once he finally got an ultra-sports car, people assumed all kinds of things about him:

“He must have a tiny dick.”

“He must be a real asshole.”

“He must be compensating for the fact that the rest of his life is total shit.”

Think about it.

When was the last time we saw someone in a sports car, and didn’t assume anything about them, and just observed?

When you say “Wow, cool car huh?” to the average person, all the judgments crop up. “He must have rich parents. He must have inherited it. He must be a douche.” Blah blah blah. The mind goes wild.

The same is true of health.

One of my close friends went from weighing 300+ pounds, to now looking like a fitness model and having a six pack. And he described one of the most hurtful moments of his life like this:

“You know, at first, everyone was like ‘that’s amazing dude, keep going you’re looking good.’ That’s when they still see you’re fat. You aren’t competition, you’re no one special yet. When you lose a few pounds they encourage you. But then I started getting really fit, I lost something like 80 pounds, and was half the size practically. Then the comments changed. Friends and even family would be like, “Whoa, you’re starting to look a bit sickly Sol, you need to gain some weight.” But I was still 230 pounds – a big guy – so I couldn’t understand why they were discouraging me. This is what I wanted my entire life, so why were they saying stuff like that?”

He first-hand observed how mediocrity HATES excellence.

The raw truth is that the average person will HATE YOU for being special. For being amazing. For not watching TV and using your time wisely. For taking your limited time and investing it into a project that adds something amazing to the world.

So why does this happen?

Three reasons.

#1 It Reminds Them That They Caved to Fear, Uncertainty, Pressure – And They Gave Up.

Think about running into an old college friend.

You’re at a 5 or 10 year reunion, and the dropout friend of yours is now running his own business that he LOVES, helping take people around the world on adventure trips.

And let’s say for the sake of argument you’re kinda stuck in the grind. You were told to take the classic path of get a good job, pay your bills, and then get married.

Suddenly you’re struck with envy, “WTF did he do right that I did wrong? He gets to travel all the time and wake up to something he enjoys, and I don’t.”

And usually, rather than being inspired, we feel resentful. We make excuses. It strikes us at the core – because we realize the WE have a dream too. We wanted to go take that year abroad to go to Spain, or we wanted to volunteer in Costa Rica. But we didn’t, because we got talked out of it or we were too “realistic” about life.

So rather than being inspired, we hate that person. We make excuses, “Well he could do that because XYZ…” and “he doesn’t have responsibilities like I do…” and all kinds of justifications.

But it still bothers us. Deep down we’re pissed off, and mostly pissed off at ourselves. “What happened to that dream I used to have? Why did I give up on it?”

Sometimes when you become successful, hordes of friends, family, and peers begin to not only rationalize their own failure, but try to take away your success. “You had all these resources I didn’t…” they say. But what they’re really doing is telling THEMSELVES a story to feel better.

#2 It Reminds Them That Yeah, They Still Have a Dream, But They Aren’t Hustling to Make it Happen.

Sometimes, people realize that they DO have a problem, but they’ve been lapsing on their progress.

Think about health.

Other people might at first support you, but once you start looking INCREDIBLE they envy you, hate you, and will try to steal your success.

“He’s a meat head.”

“She lives in the gym and wears lululemon everywhere.”

“He doesn’t have any other hobbies.”

“She only cares about her appearance.”

You’ve finally lost those 20 pounds and now you’re getting toned and fit and look awesome.

You’re starting to get really comfortable taking your shirt off at the beach, and you begin getting attention for the first time in a very long time.

And suddenly a few of your friends who have been drinking a bit too much beer and partying too much start chiming in, “Don’t you have a life? I feel like fitness is all you do now.”

It’s not even true – since you’re only at the gym a few times a week and you eat healthy otherwise – but you can feel their judgment, and their envy.

The point is that it’s not the truth that matters – it’s the story that people tell themselves (that we tell ourselves) to rationalize inadequacy and mediocrity.

#3 It Reminds People That Living the Average Life Usually ISN’T fulfilling (And Reminds Them About How Little They’re Doing To Change Anything)

The highest level here is that it often indicates that the way we’re living – not at all deliberately – flat out produces unhappiness and leaves dreams unfulfilled.

This is the highest level of dissatisfaction and hurt. It kinda makes us think, “Well, shit. Why did I settle? You’re telling me that COULD be my life too?”

It speaks to the dissatisfaction at the core of most people – unwilling, afraid, or unclear about the life they want.

The raw truth is that we’ve all been there – usually health wise or financially- where we go “Shit. This looks awful. How’d it get this bad?” But the DIFFERENCE between the successful person and the average one is that the successful person does what the average person is not willing to do.

They both see the problem and feel the pain.

But only one takes action. Day after day. Month after month. YEAR after year, even when progress stalls or is slow.

So what’s the solution?

Fuck ‘em.

Seriously. That’s the solution.

In all seriousness, inspire people if you can. Show them how it might be possible. Show them hope, show them the roadmap if you can. But if they aren’t willing to take action? Be compassionate if you can, but otherwise move on.

It’s like that Marianne Williamson quote – we don’t fear our darkness, we fear our light. We fear our greatness.

This is me just giving you the heads up – when you see the haters coming, even if they’re your close friends, it’s time to keep moving.

People will hate you no matter what you do, so why not have them hate you for being great?

Why not have them hate you for living the fucking coolest life imaginable?

Why not have them hate you for being really goddamn happy?

And why not have them hate you for living a life that’s so inspiring that people can’t help but talk about it?

Thoughts on this? Tell me below.

-Alex

Books To Read That Will Help Lost 20 Somethings:

The defining decade by Meg Jay, is one of the best books for lost 20 (or 3o) somethings that are trying to figure out what in the hell path to take, especially if you’re looking to live an awesome, meaningful life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Man’s Search For Meaning

Man’s search for meaning, by Viktor Frankl is a book I quoted above because it’s by far one of the best books regarding finding purpose in life. Viktor talks about how he was dying in a Nazi concentration camp, and the only thing that not only helped him to stay alive, but also find a sense of purpose while all the other people around him slowly died.

 

 

 

 

 

– Alex

Wondering WTF to Do With Your Life & What Your Dream Career is? 

Snag my free report "What The Hell Should I Do With My Life?"

My guide will help you figure out:

  • What the hell to do with your life
  • Why life feels so unfulfilling - even though you might have it all
  • Why pursuing success and searching for happiness actually make you less successful and less happy
Just enter your email below:

{ 106 comments… read them below or add one }

Bill Boteler April 10, 2015 at 2:35 pm

Hi,

I don’t want to spend too much time with those people. If they want to get hope or inspiration I want to give it.

Right now, I am glad to have found a very meaningful internship in a nonprofit with global conservation and education projects. I have met the founder who is famous. I am still very broke which won’t do, but my foot is in the door.

Meaning is everything. Find meaningful activities or causes and do them, even if you are waiting tables. Alex is also right about travel. It’s never too late.

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 10, 2015 at 3:55 pm

Yes! That’s awesome Bill, it’s great to hear you’re in a much better spot than before. And you’re right – the proverbial foot in the door is just the beginning of the snowball.

Reply

Chris April 10, 2015 at 5:42 pm

I don’t always think that people are just being jealous or intentionally insensitive towards your success though – alot of the time it is because they just don’t understand.

Most people only ever see the final article – the Ferrari, the 6 pack or whatever. They never saw the years of struggle and toil leading up to that, the uncertainty and insecurity, the hours and hours spent working or practising your art. Give people this insight and it often changes their attitude for the better.

We’re all guilty of judging things when we have no context or understanding of the work and sacrafice behind the scenes.

I think better than giving haters the proverbial middle finger is to give them a snapshot of the struggle, pain and tears that you endured. Displaying your humility and mortality not only inspires others, but it garners their respect.

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:16 pm

“I think better than giving haters the proverbial middle finger is to give them a snapshot of the struggle, pain and tears that you endured. Displaying your humility and mortality not only inspires others, but it garners their respect.”

Chris – this was super profound – I agree with you completely.

Reply

ephantus June 20, 2015 at 2:24 am

A snapshot of pain and struggle and the respect is all yours…… exactly

Hard Worker December 3, 2015 at 6:32 pm

This is usually the case but not always. I know many who are only successful because they had wealthy parents who are successful. Their parents are financially supporting them, leading them and showing them the way.

I am the most successful person financially in my immediate family as well as my husbands immediate and extended family. Both families of ours are not wealthy in anyway shape or form.

But let me tell you, I finished school at 14. I have gone through so much struggle, pain and many tears to get where I am today. I am constantly hated upon by my brothers who say “just because you’re perfect”, “I don’t want to hear about her success”. This is extremely hurtful yet I still try to inspire and support them.

What I have learned is, you can’t help everyone but you can inspire others to do great. It is alot easier to inspire others when you’ve come from nothing.

Josh September 19, 2015 at 9:48 pm

I agree with your point, “I think better than giving haters the proverbial middle finger is to give them a snapshot of the struggle, pain and tears that you endured. Displaying your humility and mortality not only inspires others, but it garners their respect.” Very, well put. But, what about the many that are far to deep in the hater zone? Because, we can search comment sections on youtube, 9gag, ifunny, etc., the haters always come up so adamant about the rich are evil, selfish, etc., so what about them?
I’m not implying give them the middle finger, but this is a screwed up mindset many have.

Reply

Jose April 10, 2015 at 5:52 pm

I’m a victim to this right now because I’m stalling on a lot of stuff… I can’t even hear my wheels spinning as I type this… I’ve put on a lot of weight and I know of a girl who’s working out a lot and becoming real cute… gotta say it annoys me!

Reply

Jose April 10, 2015 at 5:53 pm

edit: I CAN even hear

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:16 pm

So what’s the game plan Jose :-)

Reply

Annick Vincent April 10, 2015 at 7:33 pm

Too true mate, too true!

I’ve spent all my life swimming upstream, feeling different, being different – and I did not believe I had a choice. I didn’t really think about it. It just was.
But over the past 14yrs, since 9/11 actually, I’ve realised I DID have a choice and I unknowingly chose to survive an appalling childhood and some destructive choices in young adulthood by listening to my heart and being open to the dreams it gave me, dreams that all came true even if some of them turned out to be terrible illusions or delusions.
Some of the things I’ve done so far:
– going back to Canada alone at the age of 18 for a better life after 14 yrs in Europe,
– getting into law school at age 19 after 2 yrs in the workforce and sticking it out for 6 yrs despite being thrown out for low grades in 2nd yr,
– going after jobs for quality of work rather than money and never being out of work for more than 6 weeks over a 30+ yr legal career, despite being fired, dismissed or made redundant several times;
– deciding not to have children rather than risk being the same mother I had;
– stepping out of a violent 6 yr marriage
– taking a year off at 30 – quitting job, home, etc and going overseas to re-assess my life post-divorce;
– meeting and following a guy halfway across the world to take another shot at love, eventually getting married and being together for 25 yrs
– immigrating to Australia for ‘the good life’ of sunshine and sandy beaches with this new love;
– re-qualifying to practice law
– buying and renovating several properties – all successfully;
– taking up a job in Hong Kong, re-qualifying as a lawyer, doing the expat thing, travelling all over Asia and returning to Australia debt-free after 2.5 yrs
– buying and settling a 5 acre farm, learning to grow my own food, raise chickens, be energy self sufficient,
– knowing when it was the right time to sell each property
– leaving Australia after 22yrs to realise a life-long dream, being left by the partner of 25 yrs in the process but reclaiming my soul,
– etc.
I am 58. I look 48. I feel 38. I am a walking, talking success story. I even have an inoperable, benign, meningioma (brain tumour) diagnosed in Jan. 2009. I only know it’s there because it shows up on my MRI every 2 yrs. Other than that I am as fit as.
Now after a very challenging 3 yr period which saw me lose a husband of 25yrs because he didn’t have the courage to see the dream or the faith/trust in me to give it a chance – of loosing a brother to suicide because he just ‘gave up’, of loosing my innocence about the land I thought would be ‘home’, I am again listening to my heart and about to move back to Canada and start all over again.
I can honestly say that after some seriously dark days/nights, I am filled with renewed enthusiasm, energy and hope at the beginning of this next chapter of my life.
I have stopped paying attention to the ‘zombies’ out there, the walking dead, the life haters – to all those people who say I’m unstable, that there’s something wrong with me because I will do what needs to be done when there’s opportunity for a meaningful life, because I will not stay where I feel there is no purpose, place or people for me.
I have stopped paying attention to all those people who say there’s something wrong with me because I question what doesn’t ‘work’, I challenge the status quo when I see pathologically miserable people around me with fancy cars, clothes, gadgets and crap they don’t need and because I won’t settle for needless mediocrity, cruelty, arrogance, vulgarity or corruption.
I have stopped paying attention to all those people who say I’m difficult when I’m selective, aggressive when I’m assertive or direct. All those people who say I’m too intense, too demanding, too high energy, too much.
To all of them I say (not out loud of course!) – I know it’s just your fear and your ignorance talking. I see it, hear it and feel it. But by G-d I will not surrender to your fear nor will I be consumed by it any more that I will surrender to or be consumed by own fear – which believe me is there, right by my side along with everything else that makes me the glorious being that I am. Like you say – Fuck ‘em! I won’t die wondering!

PS – thanks for being there for me during a dark patch last year. I stumbled on your blog and something just struck a cord; the bit about how important it is to have a purpose in life and how what defines a person’s life purpose is their ‘story’, we all have our own story and we need a story or something like that. Can’t find it anymore.
Anyway what I got out of it was – I was at a point in my life where I no longer had a story and that’s why it all felt so meaningless, so pointless.
I’d had a dream that was so big it coloured everything in my life, it gave meaning to everything in my life. I’d had that particular dream for so long, it was my story. When that dream ended – abruptly – without aforethought or malice – just vanished like the mirage that it was – I found myself without a story. It was such a shock. It was so confusing. It was fucking scary (the dream wasn’t the marriage btw). For the first time in my life, something which I had wished and willed and researched to death, worked for so hard and placed so much hope in, poured all my energy in and made sure I had done all the due diligence, ticked all the boxes – something that was bullet-proof guaranteed success turned out to be a colossal failure due to one teeny-tiny but fatal miscalculation on my part. I overlooked the simple fact that my partner did not have the courage to tell me he did not share my dream, nor that he would not go through with it when the time came; nor did he have the courage to do anything that would indicate he was anything but totally on board with it. He took himself out of the equation. The dream collapsed as it is totally unfeasible flying solo. End of story.
Reading your blog allowed me to realise that just because one story had ended, it didn’t mean the end of THE story. I realised that rather than just calling it a day and turning out the lights like my brother had done, I had the choice to have another story.
And so I chose to accept the ‘pause’ in my life and to wait; just to wait and to listen to my heart until it was ready to speak. And true enough a few months later, I found myself going ‘what if?’ and ideas started popping up and some where plain crazy and some were not so crazy and then I got the energy (courage?) to physically step out of my environment, out of the country I thought I was now stuck in; once outside my ‘space’, the light-bulb flashed; energy begets energy; possibilities and opportunities came to mind where before it was all just flat-line.
So now I’m about to start another story, returning to Canada 27 yrs older but with a clear understanding that a truly fulfilling life requires Community (participating/belonging), Communication (understanding/being understood) and Culture (intellectual stimulation) in an environment that meets ones particular needs/tastes regarding Purpose (what am I doing there?), People (who lives there?) and Place (what does it look like?). The rest is just details…
Thanks for letting me share.

Reply

Tracey April 30, 2015 at 12:16 pm

WOW – you are an INSPIRATION!!!!!! All the best to you and your future!!!

Reply

Harriet August 20, 2015 at 4:38 am

You are amazing and inspirational. Congratulations.

Reply

Lukus July 3, 2016 at 12:57 am

I love your story, it resonates with me on so many levels. I am 30 years old and having followed a massive dream and succeeded beyond what I ever would have expected – the negativity and strange reactions from people close to me has been eye opening. When we dream big, find our life purpose and achieve it (and this changes at pivotal times in our life) it can be very threatening to the zombies, the Sheeple, because they question their very existence at a subconscious level and fear they do not have the guts to put themselves out there. What I have realised is that there are many types of purposes, some higher level than others and most people follow the standard materialistic blueprint of success. Ironically, this will have the least impact on the world, however we must learn this ourselves by achieving a level of material success before realising the emptiness of that superimposed dream and then transcending to the next level of life purpose.

Reply

Alexander Heyne July 18, 2016 at 5:03 am

Lukus – yeah, it’s weird when that happens. It’s really weird. You would think people would be happy for you and proud, but it’s not always the case. It gets super weird when your own parents and friends start acting threatened. But what can you do? You’re not causing that- it’s triggering something inside of themselves.

marc francois August 24, 2016 at 7:20 pm

Wow.

nacho April 10, 2015 at 8:34 pm

Alex please keep writing I love your stuff.

Nacho.

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:17 pm

Hahah glad you liked it Nacho!

Reply

Crystal April 10, 2015 at 10:34 pm

Everything I just read is the perfect reason to do something you’ve always wanted to do and allow the pain from all the people that ever thought it was okay to fucking hurt you to drive you and get you to a place where they have an actual reason to hate you. Let it kill them inside that you’ve become something great. I think this is a good reason to start something and stick to it. Atleast for me this is great motivation. Someone who entered my life long ago, that I admired dearly and never met anyone as awesome or confident since then..told me something and it always stuck with me and then he was out of my life. I feel as though the universe sends people into your life for a reason and this quote is the reason for us joining paths. “Don’t let others bring you down, because if you do, your letting them win and no one deserves to win” so simple and so true.

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:19 pm

Crystal – I really feel you there – let it drive you, but don’t let it consume you. IF you’re driven by hatred it can come back to bite you in the end.

Reply

Ryan April 10, 2015 at 11:41 pm

Alex,

I needed this post! Recently I’ve been afraid of success. I am bookmarking this and coming back to it often when I feel insecure.

Thanks bud!

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:19 pm

Haha cheers Ryan!

Reply

David April 11, 2015 at 12:12 am

Life is meaningless.

That is all…

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:19 pm

Haha, just do your best David!

Reply

olivia April 11, 2015 at 3:43 pm

Agree, agree, agree!

It’s like what Tynan (one of the only other blogs I regularly read) said about super successful people, we initially might feel like they’re naturally extraordinary, but dig deeper and they’re mostly ordinary people with a fierce work ethic who never gave up. Never giving up cannot be underestimated.

Love this blog btw :)

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 13, 2015 at 5:23 pm

Cheers Olivia :-)

Reply

tiwari April 17, 2015 at 4:37 am

Hi there , your post really inspired me.
You know what I used to have such kind of energy earlier continually but last year after falling for a person and then after another and meanwhile I did lot of blunders and now as a whole sum I feel like I have degraded my energy flow . a big push is what is required it seems now .how to have this push generated .. Please help

Reply

Immanuel Almeida April 17, 2015 at 11:40 am

alex
you are the breath of fresh air,what you do helps and saves dozens of lives damn budy the talent you have is a gift to mankind not evryne have a brain like yours.
thank you bra and continue doing what you do lol you are probably the kiss of today.

Reply

joseph April 21, 2015 at 7:33 am

So everybody wants to go to Hawaii, well there is a cheaper way to go.In this post I will be talking about the best time of year to head to the tropical islands, Airfare to local bus systems and hotel or hostels,and most importantly food.

Airfare is always the number one thing that stops people from going to Hawaii . Don’t let this deter you. the best plan of action is as i always say plan ahead . First things first , use the the major airlines as a backup, meaning when looking on Priceline or this kind of site understand that sometimes the airlines themselves have the best deals.

Check out my blog to see my full article on how to go on a dirt cheap action to Hawaii and other places around the world.

http://noodlebudget.blogspot.com/2015/04/honolulu-cheap-way.html
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Reply

Ethan May 6, 2015 at 2:50 am

Just want to drop a note to say that I love your blog. Please take your own advice and keep writing no matter what obstacles arise. And let me know if there’s any way I can help you.

Reply

Andrews May 14, 2015 at 8:36 pm

Hey bro just finished reading killing your old life and living the dream, awesome content man, really helps, im from Brazil im kinda lost in the middle 20s, so it helps a lot keep the good work bro!

Reply

Khalid Grant May 19, 2015 at 5:55 pm

First off Alex, kudos for actually taking the time to put this site together and post valuable content. There are tons of other people who have similar thoughts to yours but they just don’t care enough to do the hard work and put it online like you have. Thank you.

The majority of people vilify those who are successful because they either lack a burning desire or they just don’t believe they can achieve their goals. So they give up. But the truth is, with the Internet, there is no excuse for either of those obstacles. Anyone can connect with someone who has achieved the EXACT same results in the past or is in the process of doing it right now. There are no more excuses of it not being possible. Pick any goal and probably at least 1000 people have done it before. Just learn from them. Plus chasing a dream doesn’t need to be a solo sport anymore there are thousands of people who can motivate each other to be successful.

This site is a great example of attracting a particular group of people and getting them fired up about living life boldly. Perhaps sometime in the not to distant future you can write a follow up article entitled “3 reasons why people will love you for being successful after you help them be successful also.”

Reply

CMilli May 25, 2015 at 12:13 am

Nice article!!
Ive had the experience of being a inner city kid and being a product of my environment,getting in trouble and having multiple felonies on my record.
After the this experience i chose never to return to that course to pursue a life of purpose,and have true relationship with my Creator.
At the age of 22 i started working at manufacturing companies and became independent and moved out of my parents home.Life was good but my education and criminal history made it difficult to land better job.
So i took a tour of a bunch of schools to give me a true skill.One school required a background check and screened me out of there program.Finally i found a vocational school that was perfect for me.I really enjoyed learning a trade and i told many of my friends about it.

One friend asked me “why am I pursuing education knowing I have felonies ?”.I told him and others “my efforts will be blessed “.

Fast forward 4 yrs later im working as a
Operating Engineer making 70k per year and Im also buying my 1st home this year cash.
Many people are happy for me,but one of my closest friends wont speak to me or answer any of my calls.

My progress in life has taught me everyone you call your friends are not,some are just associates.Proverbs 17:17

Reply

Jael May 29, 2015 at 9:12 pm

Or when everyone is successful, but you, and you hate them all…
55minutedrive.blogspot.com
is where you vent!

Reply

Sal June 4, 2015 at 2:07 am

It was the other way around for me. I’m thin and everyone said that I was very thin and I should do something about it. Now I’ve put on 4 pounds and suddenly I’ve become fat?! Lol, people are stupid; screw them!

Reply

Marta June 11, 2015 at 5:55 am

This blog is gold!! Seriously, I love everything you write. Whenever i feel lost, i always read your posts. They inspire me to live life boldly!!! Thank you.

Reply

Sammy June 12, 2015 at 9:06 pm

I needed these words of wisdom this morning :) keep writing your stuff I love it !!

Reply

Jon Almond June 17, 2015 at 12:08 am

I really like this. It’s funny when I wasn’t successful I had these “friends” that acted like I was a great guy or whatever. The minute I got a great house , great job, stopped complaining they started to hate me. It’s basically because my attitude changed and I wanted better things for myself. I have a short time on Earth, I will not spend it making excuses. If you want to complain go talk to a therapist. I’m just trying to stay healthy and happy.

Reply

bugga July 14, 2015 at 6:14 pm

I think this is just amazing. I closed on the purchase of an island today. It’s my second island. This one’s for recreation. The first one is to hold all of my gold coins. On my way to closing the deal, I pulled three nuns out of a burning bus. But before I hopped on my black stallion (I like to conserve energy), I ripped the bus apart with my bare hands so it could be scrapped for metal to help the environment. People hate me because I’m so successful and I help the earth so much!

Reply

bugga July 14, 2015 at 6:20 pm

Oh yeah, I was thinking of using the metal to make a spaceship to find the cure for cancer floating around in space or I could use it to fill cavities for under-served kids in Africa since I’m a dentist. Or, I could take some of my gold coins and use those to fill those unsuccessful African kids’ teeth and I could build their village a sculpture of money to inspire them. I have several artistic pieces in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Donald Trump once hired three ninjas to break into my house and steal some of my art, but I successfully restrained them and turned them over to Homeland Security. It was a lucky day for America that day–turns out, these three ninjas were members of ISIS!

Reply

bugga July 14, 2015 at 7:16 pm

Donald Trump is an example of someone people hate who is successful. But I think people are not envious of him. I think they hate him for two reasons:

1. his hair
2. his use of terrorists to steal things from people

Reply

Latecomer September 9, 2016 at 9:52 pm

I want an action figure of you fighting Killface.

Reply

Luna Darcy July 29, 2015 at 12:15 pm

Hi Alex,

Thank you for this straight forward and inspirational post. I think you just talked to the insecure side of me and convinced it to come out of its shell and face life head on.

Luna

Reply

Tim August 2, 2015 at 9:16 am

I started reading this Blog at work, like a year ago. It really helped me out, because I was super unhappy, I wasn’t challanged there at all. Then I had to leave this job for the Army (mandatory in my Country).

2 Months ago I was kicked out because I had to go to the hospital with a surgery. it needed some time, but since about 1 Month I am back to normal and healthy AND WITHOUT A JOB. just hanging around, watching tv. I even wish I had my old boring job back. I really want to work something that fullfills me, that makes me happy to get up in the morning, but I’m kinda stuck in a circle and I don’t see how I should escape.

also I wonder how I deserver this: Leave a good (but boring) Job, to get fucked up in the Army and a thank be unemployed and kinda depressed…

anyway, I really appreciate your Blog and sorry for my English. :)
I’m 20 years old btw.

Regards
Tim,

Reply

Liz August 5, 2015 at 3:45 pm

To say you’re awesome, would probably be too short of a statement, but you are. Came across your Blog by chance. Typed: ” God help me with my meaningless life at 55″ into Google and your Blog came up. I always feel like I am starting over and then I quit. Your Blog has been helpful. As painful as it is, I am charting a newer course

Thanks Alex!

Reply

Jahneah Taylor August 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm

This is too fucking true. People are always game to either support my ideas with kind words in the beginning or clobber me with “realities” that they can’t understand aren’t real for me.
I totally agree, “It reminds them that they caved to fear, uncertainty, pressure, etc. and they gave up,” and to know that someone else even has the heart to do it or even attempt it is a threat for them. Not on their life of course, but definitely to their carbon copied perspective of how one should live, what goals should be had, and what outcomes are possible based on 2 “realistic” paths.
To see someone succeed against societal grain happens on a daily basis, but for many its easier to believe that its a rarity or stupid because most people end up how they’re afraid to live. Free.
I found your site googling tips to aid me in coming out of my depression because I got tired of being “the sad friend”, treated like I have a handicap, or an irritant because of misunderstanding and I’m glad I did.
I needed more than a pick me up or tough love talk.
I need more positive energy in my life as I continue on this journey of mine because it seems that bullshit comes cheap and is thriving. All I wanna do is live free and bless others along the way as they bless me, yet people are acting like I’m just a young dumb 20-something that needs their dreams shattered to save me from poverty.
I’m saying this to say thank you for sharing yourself with us. Some are comforted in kind words from grandmas and neon quotes of our deceased cultural heroes but some of us only need to know that we aren’t crazy for taking our leaps. And that there are plenty of others out here looking to make our lives purposeful by simple actions. Nothing is crazy about wanting to grow and keep life beautiful for more than just ourselves!

PS for the people who know life is meaningless…

Yea but so what?! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend it happily. Why choose to sink with all the meaningless bullshit when you can fly and spend all your meaningless time making it meaninglessly awesome?

<3

Reply

Jake August 16, 2015 at 6:18 pm

Never been so true! I enjoyed this article because I have found myself into these words.
A lot of people need post like this to go over problems that afflict them.
Really good work!

If you want, visit my blog and maybe let me know what you think in the comment. I’d be very glad!

– Jake

Reply

Raphael August 28, 2015 at 12:03 am

Again, I totally agree with this… It really can mess with your social life and self-esteem. I only have a very few close friends and distanced myself from most of my mom’s family because of this… Even my mom tries to drag me down saying people like me better than my sister because I always had higher grades at school, have a long-term relationship and just reach for my goals with no hesitation and usually succeeds at it. It’s as if you should work less to be less successful. I know people that were really happy for me when I was admitted to university but looked me down when I’ve decided to switch because I felt the first one didn’t meet up with my standards and they’ve decided I snobbed the students from the other one. Something’s definitely wrong with society… or the people around me lol

Reply

Pete Kovacs September 2, 2015 at 10:15 am

Cool stuff. As a relatively new American born-and-raised in Canada, I was thinking that maybe this is more the case in the USA because there’s a massive population down here, 320 million or so, and a culture of achievement; a double-edged sword. But still the fact that in the USA there’s a mechanism that is primed for financial and business success, which is cool, but maybe at the detriment of other qualities of life that are important. Thus, in France lunch is two hours. In Italy, the family is central to a culture that values beautiful women, fast cars, and a rich cultural heritage that seems excessive to Americans. Etc.

Reply

Niall Sullivan September 15, 2015 at 1:37 pm

Couldn’t agree more with the section. Fuck em is the way to go! You should never feel bad for getting to the top of your profession. It just shows that you have the drive and will to succeed which others clearly don’t.

Reply

Dan September 25, 2015 at 8:34 am

If you wait around for other people to join you in your dreams and goals, you’ll never get a chance to accomplish them. Sad but true, When you set big goals and reach them, its usually YOU doing them alone. Very few will even take the risk. Fact is, the RISK is worth the reward. Success is measured by happiness.

Question: Get a job, find a good woman, have children at 30, kids grow up by the time your 50, then retire and travel fairly old?

Or do you wait to have children after 40, spend your younger years exploring the world, sleeping on rocks, then if it even happens raise a child until your 60?

There is no real answer, its based on personality, but If you miss your chance to have children, will it affect your outlook on life when your 60? Scary but do you focus on yourself or something our parents thought was the american dream?
Enjoy your day everyone and the only thing that matters in life is not MONEY, its HAPPINESS!

Does anyone know the reason we are all here on this Earth? I love to ask people this question. I get so many different responses.

Reply

Pat September 25, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Recently I passed the test I spelled it the first time in this time when I passed it I realize just how jealous my close friends have became we don’t talk the way we used to we don’t do things that we used to do together and it hurts me so bad but I work so hard for this and no sooner than I said I passed their whole demeanor changed towards me I guess it would have been okay if I had a failed this one but it didn’t happen because I study my ass off Thank God

Reply

Al October 5, 2015 at 11:04 am

I worked hard, never gave up, achieved success and then realized it was pointless and went back to my average life. Much happier now.

Reply

Julia October 15, 2015 at 9:48 pm

Thank you! Thank you! You are so awesome. Very inspiring and authentic. I will be following :)

Reply

Doo October 21, 2015 at 2:57 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I absolutely loved reading this article and I chuckled quite a few times…success can be very painful, and the downside is explained so well in this article. I am going to take your advise….F’em.

Reply

Ian October 25, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Hi there,

I read your article and it’s right on point bro. IT is fuckin sad though, but not the article itself but the fact that what you described is so true! I remember when I was younger always trying to achieve a great physique and great moves, feats of strength, athleticism, etc. and people would be very friendly and give me tips and chime in try to support me etc and now that I have reached a level that is beyond the average person’s fitness level, I get all kinds of negative stares for looking too in shape and people make constant negative comments like what you mentioned about spending too much time working out, etc, WTF how do they assume they know that? Pure hatred bro, and honestly most of it comes from women, I have noticed this. SAd fucking world!

Reply

Idi November 17, 2015 at 1:08 pm

New to your site and offerings, but loved this article. So true! And well written.

Is it possible to start a virtual slow clap in the comments? Loved. This.

Reply

Alexander Heyne November 17, 2015 at 8:41 pm
Anirudh Narayan December 4, 2015 at 2:35 pm

Alex, this write up hit the nail on the head. This write up has to be the bible for every person out there who is doing something unique and extra ordinary. I wanted to share a personal story that I face regularly based on your write up. It was March 20, 2015 and I was working from my apartment in New York. I was making a pretty decent salary but was working for someone else and not living my dream. That day at 12 PM, my mom called from India and said, “Son your dad just had a heart attack and he is admitted in the hospital”. He was in India, 10,000 miles away and I felt helpless. My dad is fine today and back to leading an active life but death can be such a reminder of how life is.

Within a week while I was at work, my boss told all of us that our product is packing up and we have 6-8 weeks to find another job. Getting two blows in a span of 7 days was brutal. I was evaluating my life and thinking why did I deserve this. So I decide to fuck the world, pack my bags and take a one way ticket to South America. This was June 2nd, 2015.

While traveling, I decide to do some free lance consulting to sustain my travels and just keep things open ended. Fast forward six months to today, my consulting business has really picked up, I have traveled to four countries, saved more money, met a ton of Latin American women who think I am exotic and beautiful.

Point being, my friends and extended friends circle are envious (have gotten that), have gotten sarcastic and weird around the things I do. They’ve no idae the amount of shit I had to go through to make this happen. But as you said, fuck them. Let them hate us for being special and doing amazing things.

Alex, I can’t thank you enough for writing this. It made my day.

Best,
Ani

Reply

Alexander Heyne December 8, 2015 at 1:17 pm

Ani,

This is an awesome story, thanks for sharing. And I’m glad to hear your dad is okay. Yeah, success can be a lonely road. Gotta get used to it, and do the best you can to juggle all things.

Reply

Jessica Morgan December 7, 2015 at 8:18 pm

FINALLY!!!!!!

Someone I can talk to about this with out being labeled as pretentious and full of myself!!!

I notice that people started to dislike me more and more. Not because of my personality, no, everyone agrees that I am friendly and positive. It’s because of everything else. I’ve been told that I am above average looking so I feel so uncomfortable around other women because they pick themselves apart and then look at me and say, “I wish I had your (fill in the blank)” It’s stressful because you don’t want to feel like you are the reason why people feel bad about themselves. But I can tell that women feel self-conscious and insecure around me and it hurts me because I cant help them feel better. Women get jealous because I get so much attention from men. This has been one of the biggest issues with having female friends my whole entire life. Not to mention the fact that my boyfriend is a great guy. I was so reluctant to tell my friends about him because I knew they wouldn’t be happy for me. Last time I talked about a guy I was dating they picked him apart and said that he’s probably a player who will play me. The new boyfriend is very successful with his own firm. I rarely talk about him because I know people won’t like it.

Then my career and education. I went to some really elite schools and I have a really great job that I love. Boy does this tick people off even more! I went to a party once and was in a group talking. One of the women asked what I did for a living and when I told them, everyone’s face turned up. People don’t know how hard I try to be modest and to not intimidate people but it happens even when I don’t try. People just look at me and make assumptions about me.

Next is my lifestyle. I try to stay busy and involved as much as possible. I travel, stay active, and volunteer a lot. Suddenly I started loosing friends on Facebook. I found out from a mutual friend that someone was tired of hearing about how great my life was. I was shocked by this so much that I stop posting things. I only posted stuff so that I could keep my family and friends from around the world up to date on my life but I didn’t realize it bothered people so much. So I stopped.

Moral of the story is that it is a lonely world when you “have it all.” I definitely don’t think my life is perfect. I have problems like everyone else and I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I grew up in a very poor family and worked my way up. But I do realize that my life is a lot better than most people and I am grateful for it however, no one warned me that Id be faced with so much envy and jealousy all the time. No one wanted me that I’d loose friends and loose job promotions over it. It’s tough. And what’s worst is that I have no one to talk to about it because people accuse you of being pompous and self centered when you talk about it. I can only talk to my parents,my best friend and my boy friend about it. I tried to explain it to one friend and she pretended to play a little violin. No one cares about the problems of the girl who has everything. But it’s a lonely and sad place to be where everyone hates you because they want what you have.

Reply

Alexander Heyne December 8, 2015 at 1:15 pm

Hey Jessica,

Yeah, it’s not always easy, but also sometimes do spend too much time creating the “look how great my life is” picture on social media. But yes, it’s lonely at the top.

Reply

Ariane December 15, 2015 at 9:59 am

I don’t think jealousy and resentment is what makes them turn away from you and say mean things to your face for no particular reason. Maybe they just think you’re “too perfect” and therefore are intimidated by your success. Or maybe they hate your because you do no pay enough attention to them. An “average person” like you call it can’t feel resentment, jealousy from a person that is clearly on top, and that has succeeded to reach for a glorious, successful, happy life. They can’t measure up to your success, they can’t compare themselves to you because you are not living a mediocre life. It’s like in the workplace : you won’t hate the person that is above you because either way, you know very well that they are “superior” to you. They can’t compete with you. But what they may want is to be like you, follow your example, create a colorful, fullfilling life. They will see you as their idol, a god maybe. However, as soon as you give attention, you recognize the progress of the other person’s (with whom you’ve been fighting for a promotion let’s say ) they will hate you. They will hate you because theh will feel left out, miserable, like they don’t worth a penny. They will hate you for giving attention to the other person. They will feel jealous towards the other person but as soon as you turn away and continu with your own business, they will try to attract your attention again. If you don’t give it to them, it will all be the same as before. They work hard, sweat a lot in order to be regocnised for their capacities. They work hard in real life to gain your attention, respect because then, they will know they are worthy. Whenever you tend to ignore these people that are obviously desperate about attracting some of your valuable attention, they feel invisible, worthless. They feel like they don’t deserve this kind of living. They feel like they don’t deserve a place in heaven.
You are supposed to be wised up, you are like a prophet to them, a leader. When they see you, they know that there is something more to life. You bring happiness, joy to them. At that time, they love you, cherish you. But if you ignore them, it is like you forbit them from going to heaven, forbit them from living this awesome life. So… inevitably they hate you from the bottom of their heart. They don’t think you are wise or a god but selfish, a horrid creature, a monster, the devil.
If you’ve ever read Jonathan Livingstone from Richard Bach, you will know. This is from the book : “The price of being misunderstood, he thiught. They call you devil or they call you god.” If you are so-called superior to them, then you’re the master. They feel like slaves and they will spend their life trying to attract your attention, elaborating plans to make themselves worthh of your attention. If, however, they don’t manage to be seen important, worthwhile they will get pissed of at you. Because they’ve put so much effort, reflexion into this. And now, you “act like a consistent asshole, like you couldn’t care less about them.” After all those things they did to impress you, they’ve risked their lives several times for you but apparently you do nof givd a sh*** about them. Even if they die, you won’t care.

Reply

Ariane December 15, 2015 at 10:07 am

That’s how I interepret it at least..

Reply

Ariane December 15, 2015 at 12:26 pm

*Conseated…
Sorry I am french

Reply

alfin December 15, 2015 at 5:41 pm

Thank you Alex for this great article.
Btw, fuck em! I’ll keep doing it anyway. :)

Reply

Alexander Heyne December 16, 2015 at 2:29 pm
Amy December 16, 2015 at 12:28 pm

I was glad to find this while searching for lists and inspiration on how success is lonely and you have to have tough skin. I just recently was recognized out of my organization and received an amazing award. The rumors, and jealousy has already began to circulate. I knew it as soon as I was called on stage to accept the award that my coworkers and many people in the public would start to hate me. I’ve kind of dealt with it since adolescence. It all started when I was the youngest girl chosen at cheerleading tryouts in Jr. High School. I had no friends for a year because all the other girls were 2 years older, I was the only 6th grader on the squad. And again 20-some years later, with my new accomplishments I am hearing things like “she’s too young, she’s not tenured, what is her job anyways? isn’t she just like a secretary?” At the end of the day I have the support from the people that really matter. They all say I deserve the award and I truly believe that after the struggles and hard work I have put into my career. Like you have said, as soon as you succeed, everyone forgets all the hardships and steps you went through to get to where you are. I hope I can continue to remind myself that haters are gonna hate, no matter what!

Reply

Georgina December 21, 2015 at 11:20 am

Back in high school I used to have a friend.. she was, like, so beautiful. I wanted to be like her, emulate her. The reasons I loved her and admired her were the same reasons I was so intimidated by her… I think guys were intimidated by her as well. They always talked about her, teased her, but they would never make the first move. They weren’t even that flirtatious with her maybe because they were so afraid of how she would respond… I don’t remember feeling jealous of her just a bit annoyed at her some times. There were times when I really wanted to strangle her. But then again, she was so fabulous, captivating. Guys loved her positive attitude and bright smile but they were completely taken off guard by all her confidence. Sometimes the boys in school were really mean, disrespectful to her. Now that I think things through I am positive that this bizarre attitude had something to do with fear of rejection & intimidation…
Thank you though for this great article !
I’ve wanted to exercise more often but I always find lame excuses and I end up hating myself… It seems to me now, that people are part to blame for my lack of discipline. Instead of encouraging me to chase my dreams and live life to the fullest, seize the day every day, they snort and downgrade me. I guess this is what you get for developping yourself or at least, trying to (which is still better than not doing anything for you or your life.) In my opinion, the first thing to do is to admit you have a problem and try to work your way up from there. You’ll eventually get to the top. You just have to keep up the hard work. Keep climbing those stairs of ambition and you’ll eventually see the most splendid view… I have also watched some some very inspiring videos on Ted talk. One was about taking cold showers and how it can change your perception of things. I haven’t decided yet if I want to take the chance though…

Reply

Rachel Mallone January 17, 2016 at 9:29 pm

Your blog is awesome! Being a college student with a hell of a lot on my plate, this post really hits the spot. It’s so easy to get complacent in where we are in life and never really try to reach for that top goal, thinking it is unreachable! I also really love that you give book advice for your topics. Keep it up!

Reply

Alexander Heyne January 27, 2016 at 1:16 pm

Thanks Rachel :-)

Reply

Hannah February 7, 2016 at 2:55 pm

Agree wholeheartedly. Had to cut off from 99% of my former “friends,” family, and acquaintances after the first time I broke 6 figures. I was travelling the world, living in luxury, loving my work, and enjoying life while they were grinding away at jobs they hated to support families who took them for granted. Damn near every single one of them had a way out of the rut too, but simply never made the attempt for reasons I’ll never understand. It got to a point where I had to either do things alone or pay 10x the price to cover my friends who can’t afford it, which is fine if I have the money, but then rather than enjoy the free fun, they seemed to resent me and complain that I had to show off my success by paying for everyone all the time (because otherwise they don’t do anything!). And then, even when we’d just be hanging out, they’d turn on the TV and complain about how the world owes them something in every way imaginable. They also become crazily OBSESSED WITH POLITICS, but not enough to actually pursue any form of education in it, just enough to constantly spam their facebook friends the same rhetoric over and over. They have zero comprehension of the notion that not everyone cares about politics. It’s exhausting to deal with these people. When I was in their financial position, I was exhausted from working to pursue my dreams, not from creating wave after wave of pointless personal drama to entertain myself. Life is been wonderfully peaceful and enjoyable for me since I made the decision to cut these toxic folks out.

Reply

Jessica February 8, 2016 at 11:22 am

I’m glad I found this article! It helps to ease the loneliness you endure from being too good in too many ways. And whenever I try to explain to anyone what I go through, people accuse me of being pretentious or they disregard me as if my problems are not real problems or they are good problems to have. First and foremost, being an attractive woman is the hardest thing in the world! It has it’s perks but mostly its a war zone! Other women are your worst nightmares in every part of your life–at work, with friends, in your yoga class, at a party–women will look at you and either hate you for no reason or feel insecure around you. I find myself either competing with women who are looking for reason to put me down or “expose” my flaws or I’m trying to make them feel better about themselves after they start comparing themselves to me. I had female friends that I literally had to stop telling them good things about myself. And men…they can be equally as bad. My main issue with men has mostly been about my intellect and work ethic. The average man doesn’t like a smart woman or a woman who out performs them. I don’t care what they say, they don’t like it. Finding my fiance was like finding a unicorn. He actually enjoys the fact that I know a lot about alot of things and my success does not bother him, probably because he makes more money then me. But I think the toughest place is in the work place. Being attractive and being a successful attorney who is friendly and happy is a deadly combo. If I were a bitch, I think people would like me more, but being friendly and happy makes people resent you. For the most part, I am happy with my life. I notice that when I do something good at work, people are hesitant to acknowledge it but when some one else does the same thing, they receive lots of praise and admiration. I am used to it now. I have a wonderful and very successful soon-to-be husband, I work out and take care of myself, I’m successful in my career and I enjoy my life. Didn’t realize I would loose so many friends and gain so many enemies in the process.

Reply

Leo February 11, 2016 at 5:19 pm

Great read. Thank you for this.

All day I’ve been struggling to understand why people have been acting so resentful toward me for being good at what I do. It’s like they want to see me fall on my face so bad but yet I don’t and they can’t seem to look away.

Did some Googling, came across this and it hit the nail on the head. I feel a lot better, Gonna keep it moving now. Peace.

Reply

Alexander Heyne February 12, 2016 at 12:04 am

:-) Good luck Leo.

Reply

Melba J McKinney February 13, 2016 at 12:40 am

Fuck ‘ em best solution ever. My husband says that.. lol

Reply

Alexander Heyne February 14, 2016 at 2:00 pm

ahaha

Reply

XYZ February 24, 2016 at 3:27 am

I just lost a friend due to this. He was hating on my freedom as an artist. Even though he made it in his life but recently lost it all due to an alcoholic problem. Anyway, people will hate on you even if you don’t have it and that’s something that I’ve just learned. At this time I have no real close friends and have shut all communication down. I only deal with people who will inspire me and stay away from sharing any of my success. It’s best to just keep it moving and keep things to yourself.

Reply

Jeff March 30, 2016 at 11:01 am

“#3 It Reminds People That Living the Average Life Usually ISN’T fulfilling (And Reminds Them About How Little They’re Doing To Change Anything)”

I take issue with this. What, exactly, is an “average life”?

The theme of this article is success: do whatever it takes to succeed. If so, isn’t that the real “average life” that money and success driven people live? I’ll confess that I’m just browsing here for the first time, but this reads as pretty vain to me and not “real” at all.

Reply

Ashequr April 8, 2016 at 11:49 am

I just love this article. Truly inspiring.

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 10, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Joshua Shaw April 13, 2016 at 12:11 pm

I can relate to this article on many levels I lost 140 pounds and people started to hate me because I felt great and was loaded with self confidence. Also during this I began a popular fitness website and two other websites that became highly successful and I can tons of hate and negativity. I have to continuously remind myself the hate means you’re doing good and that they can go fuck themselves. Great article guys it’s perfect

Reply

Alexander Heyne April 14, 2016 at 10:03 am

100% dude. Spot on, and good on ya for losing 140 pounds!

Reply

just a another bella. May 7, 2016 at 10:03 am

Hi Alex.
A long time ago, when I was about 16 a bunch of my “friends” gathered together one night to belittle me and put me down alongside the guy I was dating at that time. My bf at the time started stalking me and in public he gathered all his friends together to laugh at me when I cry and call me names. It was extremely hurtful And it made me develop social phobia. It chained me in fear. Now, these people hated my guts. And they succeeded in bringing me down.
But I felt very angry about what happened during those three months. I struggled immensly to get over my fear of people. It took some time. All that time I spent alone, I focused on my art and started loving exercise. My family moved a lot, so I barely got to know anyone, but the people I did get to know instantly disliked me. Almost like I had a sign on my head that said, “hate her”.
Anyway, after 7 years of prayer and fighting really hard to overcome my fears, I had finally reached my goal.
Now when people try to bring me down, I don’t really care, because I realise it is their own insecurities and not mine. I’m not a bad person.
I posted my art up on one of my fb folders and 7 people that liked the album previously unliked my album.
It amazes me how people think their actions can hurt me, but the best part about everything is, that I barely care. Fb is full of hypocrites anyway. Through the years I learnt that your on your own and success only comes from hard work. I am so thankful that I never gave up. I hope it enrages those that wanted to see me break. And I laugh because of peoples hatred I am free from social structure and I get to be whom ever I wish to be. A wonderful f-u to my haters.

Reply

Stay True May 15, 2016 at 7:26 pm

OMG. I still find it hard to believe people actually get upset when your status change. My best friend(ex) of 20 years has been there for me when I was in a very abusive relationship and with a bum. In other words sorry men who were bringing me down. When I finally learned to love myself and met a man that treated me like the Queen I am. You would think she would be happy for me. Well, she. Was not. She actually complained everytime my now hubby did extraordinary things for me. On my wedding date she was so mad she did not even come to my reception. Not to mentioned she complained during the whole wedding planning. ( To make a long story a little shorter). This experience hurt me sooo bad but I truly learned from it. People secretly love you when you are down but once your status change to better in life they show their true colors. A true friend is gonna be sad when you’re sad and happy when you’re happy. Not the other way around.Thanks Alex for the article!

Reply

Alexander Heyne May 18, 2016 at 10:36 am

Yeah… sad but true :/ sorry to hear that.

Reply

the GOAT May 22, 2016 at 4:10 am

Im thinking that ruining the status quo and making their mediocracy unnaceptable is something to do with it. Not everyone is looking for greatness in this life. Some really just love watching a lot of TV and eating garbage or whatever. Its not all bad though. There are other successful people out there. They have the same struggle. Approach them with humility and they will recognize your success and help you become even more successful. My success is in sales, so I contribute this important lesson to anyone reading this and starting a new job: “IF you EVEN make it through the probation period” and “Dont be discouraged if it takes a while before you can start doing well.” These are bullshit lines from people who want you to fail. Dont let these ideas in your head. When you hear this kind of talk at the beginning of a new job, it really means you’ll have no problem doubling the company average in your first 3 months. Successful people create their own expectations of themselves and then deliver, period. People are looking to defend titles/positions/ranking. When they see you coming from last place, steamrolling over everyone in the pecking order, their instinct is to panic, undermine, slander, lie… Your success has made them insecure. But it doesnt matter. Playing into it, going on the defensive, means now theyve negatively affected the flow of your day and quality of life. So yes, fuck em…. and thats all. If you are still thinking about them, now you’re losing.

Reply

Lisa May 23, 2016 at 12:57 am

Alex that is exactly what I am experiencing right now!
I feel that I am at a really great point in my life. I went from being single in my mid thirties to being engaged to an amazing man. Not only is he and alway was my best friend but he is also very kind and spirited and very, very handsome.
We have a really cool business (fashion) together which has been steadily growing. We travel a lot and enjoy life.

What is crazy is: the better I feel, the less friends I seem to have. Many people make snippy remarks or just don’t call anymore. I am off their radar.

We are not very big in plastering our ”great life” all over facebook etc. Never tried to rub it in and have always been rather private. Plus, we usually ”downplay” things or let the others brag. AND I think this pisses people even more off! Along the lines of; ” They have everything AND they are nice people!!!??”

What I realised during the past few years was: When you are miserable people are there for you. Because it makes them feel better about themselves. But when you amazing things are happening to you, not many can handle it. How sad.

Reply

SMH May 27, 2016 at 1:32 am

This is pathetic.

The author talks of success, but has affiliate links for books.

Successful people do not need to sell stuff. They live off of family money, trust, or investment through private office. Success is not having to seek employment or outside income–and knowing that your heirs will not have to work for multiple generations.

Reply

Alexander Heyne June 6, 2016 at 10:51 am

Hah, how do you think successful people become successful? Might want to re-evaluate that mental paradigm there.

Reply

Moe July 1, 2016 at 6:54 pm

I like ur post. And all the comments people have written. I agree its far better to invest and be succesfull than rather climb the ladder in an organisation. Either way, life is way overated, living a good happy life is far better than a great life and all the baggage that comes. Either way, fuck everyone your all in your own worlds. Life is overated been there done that everything you can imagine.

Reply

shantala July 3, 2016 at 2:23 pm

“For not watching TV and using your time wisely. For taking your limited time and investing it into a project that adds something amazing to the world.”

Cause of jealousy, sure, with respect to my cyberstalkers.

Reply

Shareen van Gulick September 4, 2016 at 5:23 am

Excellent topic and comments.
I had noticed from a young age, that members of my own family carried a kind of resentment against me. Hadn’t I suffered enough anyway without having to feel this resentment.. This showed me that they hate that I OVERCOME many traumas in my life. They would rather I stay down and perhaps rot. But to get up and stay up (even amidst trials) and share with others the fact of overcomimg really gets people riled up.
Fascinating.

Reply

Alexander Heyne September 8, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Unfortunately, it’s so common Shareen.

Reply

william September 10, 2016 at 11:59 am

im not sure if this will get a response or not. I was told try a tech high school I did then I was told by same person you should not have done that. I lost my grandmother on moms side and grandfather on dads side within about less then a year of each other. I dropped out of school, my job people were threatening my family and my life. Now 5 years later same job no threats the memories linger. I’m in school again because one parent said I think u should go back. But when time to pay comes it’s IDK. It’s like they spend so much on themselves and others not their kids. Just doesn’t seem like I have support, IDK what the hell I want to do in life. Probably more then one thing. I guess that’s it now.

Reply

Conor September 25, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Great article Alex. Enjoyed every bit. The highlight for me:

“The point is that it’s not the truth that matters – it’s the story that people tell themselves to rationalize inadequacy and mediocrity.”

Very well said. My thoughts exactly.

Conor

Reply

Maureen October 6, 2016 at 5:00 pm

Great article, thanks for putting it out there. I’ve struggled for years to pursue a path With what I love to do. My kids grew up around rehabs and dealing with tenants. I just kept fighting, learning everything I could. I had faith for the whole family when my husband would get angry at any bump in the road and repeatedly ask me if I was ready to finally quit “this crap”, and stop wasting my time on all those “stupid” courses and events…

I left my engineering job a few years ago to jump in with both feet. I was always the bread winner and earned most of the household money. I knew I wouldn’t fail, as everyone depended on me. I was going to be successful, or I was going to die trying. I wasn’t stopping until one of the two happened.

Fast forward 1 year, my husband was able to quit his job.
Fast forward 1.5 years, my sister stopped speaking to me because I was “so lucky and this wasn’t fair”. She actually said that “this had to stop” when she heard I was successful on another deal.
Fast forward 2 years, my husband that had laughed at all the classes I took, and kept telling me to quit, and that doesn’t need to work his job any more, can’t deal with the fact I do this with other partners and he’s not a part of it. How I betrayed him by not including him and doing all this behind his back. After 24 years of marriage, I think I’ve finally had enough.
I’m making over a million a year now, met my goals of having hubby quit his job, paying cash for the kids college, and buying my mom a car.

My husband makes sure that I don’t enjoy a minute of it. It’s hard when all you wanted was more free time and choices and to be able to enjoy life a little, but the haters feel they need to take it away.
I’m proud of myself, my kids are good, and I like to inspire others. It just sucks when people close turn on you. But what our are choices? Be mediocre and small so our light doesn’t shine in their eyes? Screw that! Be successful, be kind to others, help others when we can… That’s what we are here for, not to be kept down by those that give up too easily and choose the easy path of giving up.

Reply

Leonid Gurevich November 23, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Remarkable read, Alexander. Thank you so much for this. This is exactly the time in my life when I needed to read this the most. I am seeing all kind of reactions, been analyzing them, sometimes being at loss for explanations where they might be coming from, well this article explains it, all right!
Thank you for inspiration and have a super successful day, and a great Thanksgiving!
Leonid.

Reply

Natalie December 24, 2016 at 11:41 pm

Wow..I got this through search engine. I have read through all the comments and only saw one negative one;that successful people don’t have to work and blabla you have affiliate links. This is what happens when mediocre people are given a chance to talk.
ION I just quit campus to start my blog and YouTube channel and I am so sure it will work out .Abandoning a medical course that is more of my mum’s dream is the best thing I have ever done.
I am going to live my dream, not anybody else’s.

Reply

Joshua December 28, 2016 at 12:12 am

Hello I came across this article after writing a very sarcastic request in a Google search thinking ” They” might read it in short I was speaking of a narcissistic person who thinks he’s better than I constantly telling me I want you to be successful well what is the definition of success? One year ago I fell into an awful dark hole after 35 years of ups downs shattered dreams lost hopes and broken promises I almost gave up I found my in a homeless shelter unemployed, unwanted, forgotten. I’m a recovering drug addict and acholic some how I stopped the drinking the drugs for the most part and I picked myself up got a couple Jobs and after a few months I got myself a new place I stayed in contact with my family and one friend I never told my mom and dad or my sister that I was in the street I told just the one man who wanted me to be successful while he was happy that I was clean even said he was proud of me just before he dropped me off at the shelter, I continued on my path Instead of drugs I started buying clothes instead of partying I started reading fixing up my place before long my closet became full of clothing beautiful clothes I got everything Clarence or thrift I started collecting furniture keeping my bills paid I was the “normal” person he wanted me to be “they” wanted I started wearing dress clothes even bought a couple suits second hand of course but I had them tailored and everything but I wasent happy I would start to get happy but somehow something would come up and that awful feeling would come back but I kept on and gave that middle finger I worked so hard to be “normal” I put so much effort in my home my clothes were always clean bed made perfectly almost daily a total transformation, you would think everyone would be happy for me but nobody is theirs a back story that completes this puzzle I’ll gladly tell it just ask I start to wear nice clothes and not one complement just well your pretending to be someone your not then once I started doing well instead of hey good for you wow you really surprised me they tried to ruin it somehow they would come in my apartment and move all my clothes I so perfectly folded I was tormented to the point I had to move and against all odds I pulled it off a nicer bigger place with a garage for my car another middle finger did anyone say wow that’s great keep it up you’re doing so good no they called me a liar and continued to torment me harass me but I keep on and made my new place beautiful and kept throwing that middle finger now just one year later I’m homeless and unemployed all within a couple weeks I was moving out already because of the harassment I called the police on moving day to see how I can stop this from happening I was arrested for a ticket from years ago went to jail when I got out spoke to my supervisior and my job was saved at least but when I showed up for work the store director fired me on the spot I went home to find an eviction notice and my doors locked. Everything I tried so hard for gone I saved my clothes and my things but they still harass me. So I guess I’ll keep on keeping on keeping throwing that finger but this time I won’t look back I won’t seek ovation. You can take all I have say all the mean things you want. As long as I can breath as long as I can walk as long as I’m Alive I won’t be broken those haters fuel the fire in my heart thanks for the inspiration

Reply

Sacha January 1, 2017 at 9:44 am

I don’t believe people are jealous of you because you are successful (financially, healthier body etc). They are good things mind you, but it is not the final destination. You don’t have to become millionare and have a six-pack to make people jealous. I found that deep down people are jealous of someone, because that person is a better person, because they are heading the right way, they found the path to their true authentic self and they are leading the most authentic life, the life they meant to lead.

Reply

Laura January 4, 2017 at 11:17 pm

Great read, this helped me more than you know.

As some peak in high school, some also peak in their college years or after. Throughout my college career, my success has risen exponentially – as a graphic designer I have been winning multiple awards, picking up tons of freelance work, took 3 great internships, and got a job as a graphic designer in a design studio DURING only my junior year. During this time, I was in my sister’s and brother’s weddings, and I got engaged to an amazing man myself! :)

I had been developing a friendship with a toxic person whom I met in college. I could always sense she was jealous of me, but my caring nature ignored the red flags.

This girl wanted everything that I had – an internship, a boyfriend, and just to be a genuinely happy person like myself. Once she found out I got the job at the design firm, she flew off the handle. She was a mess, shut down her Facebook, and questioned her own ability as a designer. Later, this design firm had an opening. I thought immediately of this friend. Lo and behold, they offered her an internship! It wasn’t until a few months of not being called in as often when I found out that they had hired her full time, to replace me. When she told me this, I smiled and said, “That’s awesome, dude! It’s a great place to work.” After taking it well myself, she would still find ways to take advantage of her small success over mine. It gave her leverage to make fun of where I was at in my career path, whether I was cut out for my degree, and why I didn’t have a job anymore.

Only one month later however, I found a job designing for my school. Again, she flew off the handle and dramatically would talk to me about how she hated her job and she can just easily find another one since I was able to. The last instance I had with this friend before I cut ties was some time after I had got engaged. As he is a service member in the Army, we will end up traveling a lot throughout our careers. My friend had made a comment to me in front of others how “maybe I should just find someone in the army to date to get free travel like Laura.”

Bottom line, jealousy sucks. And toxic people do, too. I don’t like burning bridges, when when they become a burden to your success, then so it has to be. The best thing I’ve learned – especially as someone who loves building bridges – is to chose friends carefully; choose emotionally strong friends who will be there for you in times of failure AND success. May the bridges we burn light our way. Thanks again for this article.

Reply

Cody January 18, 2017 at 8:12 am

Nice read and it great to see that others understand the world.

If you have haters that’s the best thing ever, that means your succeeding in whatever your doing.

Don’t feel bad about it be grateful.

Fuck average.

Most people don’t understand the need to challenge yourself, the need to strive for better and never settle.

Good stuff man, keep going.

Reply

gloria January 19, 2017 at 10:01 pm

I was looking for something like this Its been a year since I got a great paying job but like all in life it was not luck I paid the dues to get here ! I have started to live the life I wanted I went feom making 50.000 a year to 100.000 I mean its great aline came the trips , new Dodge Challenger , nice rhings etc , I mean life is good , I took classes while working for nine years people made fun of me my significant other kept telling me to pretty much give up ! My only support was the videos I found about 2 years ago Jim Rhon,Tonny Robbins , Les Brown, Dr Dyer among others to kept me going . I knew it would come and it did ! I never had a folling of friends and facebook made matters worst I could not inderstand why my postings. had from 0 to 3 likes, and rarely 10 or more and some friends or “people I know or are related to me ” got no matter what they posted huge numbers of likes !? I told myself when I was “poor” I could understand but now that I show them my newly found life it did not inprove …..I know it has to do with some type of jelussy in the past God knows why and not its definetly just plain envy. I get it been there my self . But what change was two years ago around the same time I was reading these great mentors that my brother told me this : Some people instead of asking you how you did it how did become whi you are ? they instead wants to bring you down to their level of mediocrecy , bring you down to the bottom were they are ! I have learn to instead find iut how they did it as in the Ritches Man of Babilon story and now I try to make them understand hiw they can too be there at the top with me ir avobe me .
Well my friend def ears is all I have found uncludds my own family Im giving up , its plain to see that they want nothing to do with my way of thinking even after I have showed them that it works !
Now its back to your blog What to do with them Fuck them ! 10 -4 I have been trying to figure out how to deal with them I know oters will come around I wont spend anymore time tryung to help anybody that dont want my help , Im readin Dr Dyers books to help me to be more spiritual the biggest quantum moment came tome in Nov of 2016 after watching The Secret it really change my ideas. Thanks

Reply

Jack March 18, 2017 at 10:00 pm

Hey Alexander, I’m someone who just dug myself out of a pretty horrible set of circumstances –basically losing everything and having to come back bit by bit in every category of life. I’m 57. Now mostly on the other side of the “shit”, I wnet out and bought a brand new Corvette, and a stunning example of one at that. It’s interesting how people react to the car and me now. Mostly, I perceive positive interest, and get compliments. But, there are also occasional negative vibes. I came out from a business I don’t frequent often, and someone had spit loogy’s all over my windshield. Man, what a drag that some stranger would feel like doing that, at all, especially noting that the only provocation was the car, itself, and what it implied to that person–a true hater. Your advice is fantastic, and I feel the same way about proceeding through life, expressing our desires, and living for ourselves, freely.

Reply

Alexander Heyne December 8, 2015 at 1:18 pm

It’s very hard, especially when it’s family. That’s when it hurts the most – but remember that it’s about their own emotional issues and not your own.

Reply

Leave a Comment

{ 3 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: