What the F&%K Should I do With my Life?


“I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they plan their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change.”

-Jim Rohn

If you’re like most 20 somethings   people on the face of the planet, you really have no clue what you want to do with your life.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 45 – I get emails every day from people around the world telling me of their plight.

Sometimes it’s a 20 something figuring out what major to choose in college, or what work they should do for the rest of their daily existence.

Sometimes it’s a 40, 50 or 60 something who tells me “I just woke up one day and realized that this was not the life I wanted for myself. I just woke up one day… and here I am. I have no idea how i got here.”

The fact is that most of us have no idea what to do with our lives because we have not thought about it.

Have you sat down for more than 5 minutes to think about what you want your life to look like? Beyond just bullshit shallow statements like “Six-figures, 3 kids, slim & healthy” — what specifics make up a life you’d want to wake up for?

I have struggled with this for years –

Like most 20 somethings, right out of college I did what I was “supposed” to do — I got a job and joined the 9 to 5 grind.  I worked dutifully for a year, and even though the job was great and I was paid well, I got tired of the same schedule 7 days a week.

I kept asking myself if this lifestyle was what I really wanted for the rest of my life. I mean, I was 22. Sit in small town Connecticut or New York for the rest of my life? Yeah… i’ll pass.

If you don’t know my story – I ended up moving to China for over a year  and came back to a startling revelation:

Why doesn’t anyone freaking think about life?

I came back to friends living the exact same lifestyle since college — three, four years after college they had their 9 to 5 (that almost all of them hated), boring lives (by choice), and a cozy little complacent life that was slowly killing them.

I took one look at how my friends were living and said: “Fuck that. That is definitely not what I want.” 

.. And that’s how Milk the Pigeon was born.

So if you’re here, I’m gonna guess that you’re one of two people.

A. You’re young, you’ve got some options, you have no freaking clue what to do. Major in this or major in that? Work this job, or that job? My job sucks but I don’t know what other kind of work I’d like. Sound familiar?

B. You’re older and life is passing you by. You’re possibly living in a life that you feel “happened to you” rather than “you chose.”

How to figure out what the hell to do:

#1 Read our manifesto: The Lost 20 Something Guide to Figuring Out What the Hell to do With Your Life.

#2 Check out the following posts:

Books To Read That Will Help:

The defining decade by Meg Jay, is one of the best books for lost 20 (or 3o) somethings that are trying to figure out what in the hell path to take, especially if you’re looking to live an awesome, meaningful life.






Man’s Search For Meaning

Man’s search for meaning, by Viktor Frankl is a book I quoted above because it’s by far one of the best books regarding finding purpose in life. Viktor talks about how he was dying in a Nazi concentration camp, and the only thing that not only helped him to stay alive, but also find a sense of purpose while all the other people around him slowly died.





#3 Shoot me an email and tell me what you’re struggling with most, I’ll get back to you in a day or two ! Alexander / at / Milkthepigeon.com


{ 95 comments… read them below or add one }

Assam Azzam July 8, 2013 at 8:04 pm

Hi just ran into your site and just wanted to share maybe you can help me out. I’m an airline pilot 25 years old working in Egypt. I grew up in NYC most of my life and just didn’t like it so much. My father pushed me into the aviation world and I sort of all these years went with the flow, never really pushed myself to decide so I guess had my dad choose life for me. The job is great as far as money is concerned the traveling e benefits blah blah blah. Why am I not happy then? All of a sudden I miss NYC so much the lifestyle the great people the atmosphere, just the surroundings. But I know it’s a dilemma if I go back to NYC I will loose it all as a pilot and have to start all over again I just don’t like flying as a passion, I don’t like the feeling of being away from people I know. Sometimes I feel maybe that 9-5 job is all I can do but maybe it’s happiness.


Alexander Heyne July 9, 2013 at 11:57 am

Hey Assam,

I think you intuitively know the answer.

When people tell me “the job is great as far as money is concerned, traveling, benefits… but I’m not happy” that’s a perfect indicator that it looks great on paper, but intuitively it’s not right for you.

It’s like dating – a girl can look amazing when you write down all her qualities logically. She can be beautiful, tall, a model, great personality, fun, kind… but once you go on a date, you don’t feel anything. You’re shocked. She’s everything on paper, but you don’t feel attraction.

The same is true with jobs I’ve found.

I know going back to NYC (or wherever) will be scary. But you know that you need to change something right? You know what you’re doing doesn’t feel right, right?


Arvin October 25, 2013 at 6:05 am

Hey there mister Heyne, just ran into your site too. So here’s the deal with my freaking life: One day I was at my college school here in the Philippines, just minding my own bizz and not talking to anyone because I’m an introvert, the usual, when suddenly it hit me, I said to myself, “Fuck this man. I don’t plan on becoming a teacher so why the fuck am I here?… Oh right, now I remember.I was dragged out here by my “friends” into taking this course because they’re too friggin’ insecure about themselves thinking about what other people think of themselves in this new environment without me who’s a friggin’ introvert to catch all there insecurities with themselves! Fuck this, I’m out of here. This isn’t what I want with my life. Screw them sons of bitches,” then I stormed out in the middle of class. After that, I didn’t plan to just sit down my house doing nothing and let my butt gather mold, I started writing my very own light novel and I planned on having it published in Japan. But, like most plans, I didn’t realize how naive that plan was and it ended up taking a dead end — I write and write but every time I’m getting into an important part in the plot I always end up being stuck, my pen stops writing and my mind goes blank. maybe it’s just common writer’s block but then I admitted to myself, “I’m not cut out for this.” Shit, I don’t wanna be one of this alcohol-stinking, cigarette-puffing guys here who do nothing about there sickening lives, waiting to just get fat from others’ pity and die. So that’s how I got here, relying on the internet to help me with my problem. Seriously, how stupid can I be? Oh and by the way, I’m 17 years old.


haha September 22, 2015 at 4:23 am

Well first of all you know yourself that you fucked up and are a thick bastard for doing so. But now you need help first thing i would do is leave your crowd of mates who you hang around with and know they are no good for you.


Timothy Yong November 12, 2013 at 11:00 am


I’m 20 years old and looking for a purpose in life. Forever searching for something that has meaning and not ever sure whether it is the correct path has left me confused on what to do with my life. Throughout my high school life my parents has pushed me into business and I completely hate it. I have a passion in illustrative arts, but I’m constantly reminded that the prospects will lead me a very difficult life. My other option is Physiotherapy which I think I’ll be able to pull through, but my high school academics are poor. Some advice will be greatly appreciated, Thanks.


Alexander Heyne December 5, 2013 at 11:51 am

Hi Timothy,

My suggestion is to go for the one you like – if your academics are poor, take classes to improve that. If your dream is that important to you, you’ll find a way to make it happen.


robert Harrington-johnson March 15, 2014 at 11:46 am

Hi Alex

ill get straight to the point, im a white male in South Africa about to turn 20, I studied sports science last year but did not carry on with the course as I could not see myself as a coach for the rest of my life, I swim very competitively, my passion is animals and outdoors and I would love to wake up on a game farm every morning and have every day different but at the same stage I want to be making enough money to be happy and take my future family on great holidays and not have to worry too much about daily costs and making it “through the month” so I kind of feel as if I should fall into the norm and try study medicine or law or something more commercial and high end paying, its already march and most colleges/varsities are closed for applications and I dont want to waste the rest of the year… I find myself caught often between a rock and a hard place trying to figure out what I want the next 50 years to look like…


Alexander Heyne March 16, 2014 at 10:42 am

Hey Robert,

Let’s rewind a bit – are there other fields you could go into using your sports science degree? Maybe there are alternatives to coaching.

Also, if animals and the outdoors are your passion, have you considered other programs in that field? What makes you think you won’t be making enough?


Joseph April 10, 2014 at 12:28 am


I’m still trying to figure out what I want out of my life, and I’ve read some interesting articles along the way. However, just as you mentioned in “Killing Your Old Life and Living the Dream”, I usually skim through them and forget about them until I’m feeling desperate for a purpose again. That said, I have tried to be thorough with them lately, as my own thoughts and feelings just don’t work. I think that’s my real problem, because whenever I’m told to think of something I enjoy or something that gives me some sense of purpose, I can’t even think of any general ideas. Even worse, I will be out of high school fairly soon, and into college. I already despise my experiences with school, and I’m not looking forward to the work (and debt) college has to offer me. Some people tell me to endure, but it just doesn’t seem worth it considering how much time will be spent doing work I hate for a completely unknown goal. I just don’t see a point living sometimes, when this is the best that life has to offer. I want to dream big and attempt to achieve those dreams, even if they’re seemingly unreachable to others, but I just can’t even begin to narrow down what I enjoy or find fulfillment in. Listing what I enjoy just draws a blank, and trying new things is something I can’t find time for, or even figure out how to do while I have to focus on school. I’m sorry my comment is practically composed of complaints, but I feel like I needed to get it out.


Alexander Heyne April 10, 2014 at 11:30 am

Hi Joseph,

What do you think is preventing you from getting to the life you want to be living?


Joseph April 15, 2014 at 1:14 am

I honestly think it’s fear, but instead of having the fear of something truly challenging and possibly rewarding in my future, it’s the fear of boredom. There are plenty of things that I’ve tried and can truthfully say that I want no more of, when it comes to classes, career paths, interests, or even hobbies just because I find them so uninteresting after trying them out. I plan on trying out new things, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever find something that I feel gives me a good sense of purpose. I guess I could also just be very impatient, but there’s just not much enjoyment I can find in most things that I’ve tried.

Kris May 3, 2014 at 11:32 pm

Hey Joseph,

I completely resonate with everything you have mentioned. I have thought my way to mental explosion and I’m still at a loss as to what the fuck I should do with my life. What’s worse is I’m now thirty-two years of age and I am nowhere near as sharp as I used to be. I used to be the life of the party whereas now I try to avoid people. WTF?


Joseph May 23, 2014 at 10:54 pm

It’s beyond frustrating, isn’t it? And I just suppose that no one has even figured out how to do it! Either that, or they don’t want to or know how to help.

Kris May 31, 2014 at 2:27 am

If it’s any consolation man I’m already thirty-two years of age and to further exacerbate the problem I feel as though my intellectual capacity is rapidly diminishing which as a result, is increasing my anxiety the longer I procrastinate. My advice to you (without expecting you to receive it wholesomely) is to just try anything that you have even the slightest interest in because you’ve still got the time to fail or on the other hand succeed without having the desire to continue in a specific field/subject! Just grab something and run with it bro because before you know it you’ll fall into an estranged sense of being with regard to society and even ambition which will escalate quicker than you feel you can recover from and lead you into a downward spiral of anguish and depression. If you have any opinions on this comment please don’t hesitate to reply and in the interim I genuinely wish you all the very best irrespective of the fact we barely even know each other.


Joseph June 27, 2014 at 11:09 pm

Whenever I do find something I’m at least somewhat interested in, I grow tired of it very fast and eventually begin to hate it. College isn’t going to work for me, especially when I have no idea where I’m heading. Plus, the repetitive nature and lack of purpose in school has only made me more furious over time. I’m not going to waste my time and money on something I know I will hate. I’ve been told that I won’t get anything accomplished with that attitude, and I believe it, but I won’t get anything accomplished by going into something I know I will hate and fail in.

Rong January 30, 2015 at 11:02 am

I’m only 21 and I feel your pain. In addition to my lower than average intelligence, I have ADD, an introverted personality, height and blood phobia and social anxiety, as well as having relatively weak health. I wonder if it’s because life cannot be perfect, because in other areas of my life, I am very fortunate and it’s almost perfect. All these restrict my choices of jobs, and among the list, I can tell you that I hate those I can think of, and there may be a few lying around that either are rare (hence low chance of snagging a job) or does not exist yet (bummer, because I need a job ASAP).

Markie May 8, 2014 at 10:10 pm

This is gonna sound like crap, but my problem is I enjoy multiple creative pursuits, any of which I would be happy making a career out of. The problem is, in order for me to pursue one, I would have to let the others fall away, or at least not be able to foster them even as sparingly as I do now. I’m 21 and married with a child, happily so, but my ability to explore in the geographical sense is severely limited. I just want to pick one thing and start going for it, but every time I do, six months later I change my mind. How do I choose from a list of things that make me equally happy and I get equally sick of after a certain amount of time?


Alexander Heyne May 9, 2014 at 11:57 am

Hey Markie,

Lemme ask you this: why do you change your mind 6 months later?


Kelly May 8, 2014 at 11:14 pm

Hey, so I am 20 years old. I honestly feel confused, I don’t know what to do with myself, what to major in, what to do next. I’m just completely lost at this point. I’ve always wanted to work in the film/television industry. I’ve wanted to be a movie director for as long as I can remember. I’ve wanted to travel and meet new ppl and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have the support, but I’m just constantly telling myself to just be more realistic. So I start jumping from what I want to do. So I start to think maybe going towards the medical field or business management. Two totally different things!!!I’m still as a undeclared major and I need to choose already. My biggest fear like you said is having to wake up one day and just be miserable with what I’m doing. Not being happy with my life… I want to make the best out of what I do. My family tells me to go for a medical career, but.. What if it’s not for me? I mean if I’m questioning it does that mean it’s not??? Ughh, just want to rip my hair out.


Alexander Heyne May 9, 2014 at 11:58 am

“I’ve always wanted to work in the film/television industry. I’ve wanted to be a movie director for as long as I can remember.”

So why aren’t you trying to get into this industry?


Victoria July 3, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Hi Kelly,
I was in the same boat as you until about 3 months ago. I was going to school to pursue entertainment and work in production until this opportunity fell into my lap. I stopped to think, why am I really in school? What do I actually want to do in life and do I actually want to go do that or is it just because that’s what i’ve been told I need to go do my entire life? We really do have one life to live, and I do not want to spend it working a 9-5 until I retire at 72, watch 10 years of TV and then die. There is a way out. If we want different results, we need to do something different wouldn’t you agree? 97% of the population goes and gets a job after college because that is what we are taught to go do. But Donald Trump even says, JOB stand for Journey of the Broke. This opportunity for me was a way to take control of my own income and determine how much I am worth. It is by far the best opportunity for young people. Our generation is taking a stand and changing the way people are paid in the economy!! Check out the link and fill out your info if you want more information:)


All the Best,


John May 14, 2014 at 2:09 am

Hi Alex,
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a racecar driver. I even used to race go-karts as a kid and got to be pretty good behind the wheel. Financial issues took me out of the game one year, and even when finances got back on track, I never did. My dad used to put a lot of effort into getting me on the track, but that suddenly stopped. I slowly realized I wasn’t going to get his help anymore so I made a bold move my third year of college and moved to North Carolina where I have an uncle who used to work in the industry. I’m now a 21 year old motorsports engineering major who is sickened at the very notion of ‘engineering’. I absolute hate engineering! I just couldn’t think of more tedious work. I only went with this major because I was willing to do anything to get into racing and nobody was willing to help me. All I get when I tell people I want to be a racecar driver is the usual, condescending, ‘yeah, right’ laugh and the ‘you just need to take the sure thing route’ speech. I don’t know what it is, I just know that I don’t want to do anything but actually be the driver. Now I find myself furthest from there that I’ve ever been–seems how I live on my own, surviving from paycheck to paycheck, and digging myself into more and more debt with school. It’s an unlikely goal to reach, but I don’t care, I need to try. Problem is I can’t try until someone else believes in me and is willing to take the same chance I am. Or until I come into the possession of the resources I need. Maybe this is the wrong place to ask this question, but is school really the right way to go? If I stay in school, I will be far too old to get back into, and learn the next levels of, racecars by the time I graduate, let alone find a decent paying job to support it. But on the other hand, if I don’t stay in school I have nobody to help push my dreams into fruition anyways. I would be stuck back in square one.


Alexander Heyne May 14, 2014 at 9:52 am

Hey John,

Look at those who are living the life you want – did the previous drivers have an education? Is there somebody you could talk to who is currently living this dream to figure out how they did it?

Or, for you, are there some other steps (another path) you can take to get closer to this dream?

Honestly – for some, school isn’t the best route. But it’s an important thing to fall back on.


Kyle W June 29, 2014 at 9:06 pm

Hey you pretty much hit what I’m struggling with on the head. I’m 22 and I thought I was going to be a firefighter for the last 3 years but now I’ve had a change of heart. I found out that my dislike for hospitals is more of a phobia. Yet, I still think it would be a good job to have. You’d get good benefits, respect from others, not to mention most of the firefighters I know really enjoy their jobs. Now I’m planning on going to school in the fall for a sports management degree which seems to be a good direction for me, but I can’t help but think I’m making a huge mistake for totally giving up on something I’ve spent 3 years working on. As you can tell I’m all over the place at this point in my life and could really use an outside perspective on things.


Alexander Heyne June 30, 2014 at 1:26 pm

Hey Kyle,

What does a firefighter have to do with hospitals?

Why don’t you volunteer as a firefighter for 3 months to see what it’s like and if you like it?


Stefani July 10, 2014 at 11:45 pm

Hi Alex,

So I’ve been reading everything I could get my hands on regarding this subject and I just can’t help but still feel hopeless. I’ve done 1 year of an English/History degree and had to take a break due to financial reasons. I’m looking into continuing it next year but so far this year, the break has only done me worse. I wish to finish my degree and go teach overseas but I just can’t seem to shred the doubt that seems to be lingering around my mind as to whether I should continue the degree or switch to something else. I can’t pin point what exactly has me saying “I shouldn’t continue because…” but it always seems to be in my thoughts. It’s been giving me some anxiety and I’m not quite sure how to tackle the issue.


Alexander Heyne July 17, 2014 at 1:05 pm

Hi Stefani – why are you currently studying English/history?


Stefani July 19, 2014 at 5:37 pm

To be quite honest – I chose that because I had no idea what else to do. Eventually I could get into teaching if nothing else comes along but I find myself forever second guessing every choice I make. I do know that once I finish I want to go overseas and teach for the experience and the opportunity to explore but after that thought I find myself always asking the question – what then? I also find myself looking around at people who are studying more ‘meaningful’ things such as nursing, law etc which give a secure direction to where they’re going as oppose to moving overseas and not really having a plan for afterwards.

I know I just threw a whole bunch of things at you but my mind seems to be in such a cluster about everything. I just constantly feel hopeless and anxious.

Stefani July 19, 2014 at 7:07 pm

You are right. I can’t quite fathom how ridiculously easy it is for me to get lost in this endless track of ‘what if’s’. But then again who can at 20. Among other things, that will definitely be my next step.

Your site is beyond amazing and insightful; so very glad I stumbled upon it. I can’t help but just explore through it. Hope to one day find what you seem to have found.

Thank you for your quick reply’s.

George July 27, 2014 at 6:41 pm

Hey I’m 17 from the uk. Yes I know what you’re thinking. He’s 17 he’s too young to even think about this shit blah blah blah. I’ve got exams that I’m told I need to not only pass but do well in to have a good job and be successful. But the truth is I already know that I really don’t want to go down the career many people chose and what you call the 9-5 grind which is exceptionally true. By understanding this now must be some sort of sign that it’s the complete wrong path for me. I just don’t want to be another statistic of graduates getting. A Job and basicly doing sweet fuck all with there lives. And if I’m honest I’m fucking scared. Everything’s changing at an alarming pace and with comments such as ” the job you will be doing once you leave education wouldn’t have even been created when you started school”. What am I supposed to think,do, say – even believe what I wanna do ? Can anyone help
Me out?


Joshua Nevard August 22, 2014 at 9:25 am

Hey Alexander,

I’m currently 20 years old working two retail jobs, one is ok and the other one sucks. I keep thinking about my future and I just can’t decide on what to do, it’s grinding at me everyday. I’m saving to go travelling again but even then I don’t have a plan..

I guess my question is, I don’t have a clue on what I want so how do I go about finding this?

Thanks for your time,

Josh :)


Alexander Heyne August 24, 2014 at 2:47 pm

Hey Josh –

Start with your intuition – in less than 30 seconds, what kind of stuff sounds cool, or what kind of things do you want to be a “master” in, if anything?


Auron September 3, 2014 at 12:51 am

I’m a 19 year old dude, just graduated high school 4 months ago. I never cared for school enough to try to excel or anything, I mean I was an A student and all that jazz, but it was just all too easy (not trying to brag or anything here) and to me, pointless. And that coupled with severe depression and debilitating social anxiety led to a whole lot of not caring. So needless to say I did absolutely zero preparation for college, not that I actually wanted to go to college in the first place, and now, at least as society/my family are concerned, I’ve just about screwed myself. I’m one of those imaginitive, creative types, drawing, writing,painting, sculpting, etc. I’m exceedingly interested in creating things. The only problem is I have SO many things I want to do and each one would be considered far-fetched to put it lightly, and they’re all completely unrelated. Of course my parents advice for a next step is to go to schcool and get a job like the rest of the world. Thanks guys, very helpful. But that’s not what I want for my life, I want to experience everything this crazy worlds got to offer, I want to just go for it, but I don’t know which step to take next, deciding on what I want to do is like picking a favourite child, it’s absolutely impossible… and I don’t want to wake up in ten years and realize that I’ve made the wrong decision, and that I’ve let my dreams die. Some days I feel like just packing a bag and leaving, just picking a direction and walking, walking until my legs give up and I pass out on the sidewalk, then getting up and doing it again. Right now I’m practically broke, have no prospective school options (nor the money to pay for school), I’m literally living with my parents doing almost nothing day to day with only my outrageous ambitions to keep me going. I want to own a restaurant, start a theme park, work on movie sets, write a book, be an artist, an animator, scale mountains, travel, meet and connect people worth knowing, volunteer around the world, contribute to humanity in some way other than being another rotting piece of flesh tapping away at a computer or packing shelves just to get the funds to keep myself alive while time plots my demise. What the hell do I do?


Alexander Heyne September 7, 2014 at 11:05 am

Pick one – and run with it until it doesn’t feel right anymore.


Jessie March 3, 2015 at 3:34 pm

Can you help me? I’m a college freshman and I’m really stressed out and hating life. I have no idea what I want to do. I love to create stuff but I’m not good enough at it to make it a living (I’ve tried). I love nature and I’m currently a biology major hoping to work in a zoo or a national park but right now my chemistry classes are making me rethink it all. I struggle with the concepts and the math and I hate it. I’ll have to take at least 3 more years of it just to get my degree and there’s no guarantee I’ll wind up happy. What do I do?

christine September 10, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Wow. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
So I actually googled ” what to do with my life” and I ended up here. I know its lame. I’m 21 years old. I qualified as a Air hostess and a Chef. Save to say I don’t do either. I honestly don’t think there is anything I can do for 7days and not get bored.

I have no idea even where to start.
I live in South Africa which might be the problem.

Everyone says -where do you see yourself in 5years- great advise if I knew. I can’t even picture myself in a month.

I’m scared that If I delay NOT DOING ANYTHING I might not ever get back in the – work life-

And I’m scared that I might not find out what I’m really good at.(let’s hope there is something)

I don’t like that “people” pressures me to do something I know I hate.

So I’m stuck behind this wall and don’t know what to do.

any thoughts ..


Luck November 1, 2014 at 6:26 am

Hi Alex,

I’m facing the same issues as you have mentioned in your blog “You’re young, you’ve got some options, you have no freaking clue what to do. My job sucks but I don’t know what other kind of work I’d like. Sound familiar?”

I’m not sure what to do with my life. I have no passion for anything. I’m not enjoying my work and just surviving as they are paying me well. Kindly suggest.



Alexander Heyne November 5, 2014 at 6:49 pm

Hey Luck –

Well, what do you want from life, first of all?


vinay November 25, 2014 at 4:55 am

I am 25 year old male,which i never completed my education after high school,i have a job that absolutely i hate it,i am kinda anti social i don’t talk much with people around me not even with my family ..i feel like i am stuck in my life i don’t know what to do with my life anymore..i have no passion for anything my biggest fear is where am i going to end before its too late to realize..i need some suggestion..sorry for my bad english..


Alexander Heyne November 25, 2014 at 11:21 am

Hey Vinay –

Who (anyone in the world) is living a cool life to you?


oskar November 25, 2014 at 8:53 am

Hey Alex,

My name is oskar and im from Australia. I am a 20yo male and i attempted to study engineering at uni for about 2 years and failed due to my lack of effort and inability to try. I left out of hate and did nothing for a few months now im pressured to find a new line of work. I tried to do electrician trade for a couple weeks but i only lasted 2 days. What should i do, sign myself off to a trade ill hate in hope of retraining later?


Alexander Heyne November 25, 2014 at 11:21 am

Which trade will lead you to learning more and gaining skills, while also being moderately enjoyable?


oskar November 25, 2014 at 6:10 pm

i was thinking about being an electrician but i dont know what sort of life they live, like are you always struggling for work? should i go back to uni and maybe do teaching though its going to be so hard

Kaitlyn December 9, 2014 at 8:26 pm

I’m 18 years old, graduated from high school with a plan to go to Johnson and Wales University and get a culinary degree. For whatever reason I ended up not going. Right now I’m sitting in my room in my mother’s house with no job, no friends, no relationship and a mind that runs wild all day. I’ve begun apply to a technical college to attend in the summer of 2015 for culinary arts. As much as I love the culinary field and wish to sit in front of a stove top or oven all day cooking, I can’t help but feel that I can do so much more with my life. Also many people have told me I should not invest my time in a culinary future because I am a vegan and believe strongly against animal consumption. When I was younger and my mind wasn’t full of worrying about what was practical I wanted to be a novelist or a marine biologist or an actress. I’d write for hours and spend summers locked in my room writing stories that I never finished. I have a deep attraction to sharks, whales and large sea mammals. I find myself bored with my life and have a desire to play a character, to be someone else for a little while. Although I love writing, the ocean and pretending I knew that it would be difficult to make money in either field. So I choose something I love equally as much-food. I can’t help but feel like I could do so much more than standing in a kitchen all day. I wish I wasn’t practical. I wish that I could just take a leap of faith and write a book, or study killer whales, or act in front of a camera. If I had any courage I’d jump on a plane to India and live their for a year and learn about myself. It just feels like I was meant to do something more, something much more meaningful.
The thing is, I’ll end up going to technical college in the summer. I’ll work hard and get my degree. I’ll stand in a kitchen and make yummy foods. I’ll do all this and always wonder if my life was suppose to take a different path. I’ll spend my whole life wondering if I was suppose to do something else. I’ll be lying on my death bed and wondering why I chose to be practical when my heart always told me to be spontaneous.


Lance January 4, 2015 at 3:27 am

Hey Alex,

I’m person A.

I’m 22 (and a half), I have a Bachelor’s in Software Engineering, and I’ve been working in a 9-6 job for probably 7 months now. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good job, pays well….. but I don’t know if it’s what I wanna do with my life like…. forever….. obviously the money is important now for me to pay off my college stuff, but I do wanna pursue something else, either as a life goal or hobby or whatever.

I’ve always like teaching…. but idk, something about me wants to get into some sort of leadership…. that’s not really in the business world. For instance, I was (am) in a some leadership positions in college clubs/organizations that helped me grow (and learned from mistakes and successes). But I feel that’s all over now, and I don’t know what to join or where to start.

I’m not one where money is my ultimate goal in life…. but I really wanna make a change somehow…. but for the love of me I have no idea where to start.


Alexander Heyne January 13, 2015 at 1:57 pm
nunyabisnas January 8, 2015 at 2:04 am

I going to be 30 soon and I’m broke living with a man that doesn’t love me because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to afford food. I’ve applied for over 300 jobs since graduating college in 2010. I worked two jobs in college, battled anerexia, severe shyness, brokeness, family problems…ugh it sucked. But I graduated and now (everyday I told myself it will all be worth it just keep pushing) I’m still living a shit life. I’m beyond exhausted. I was super smart and popular in school idk wtf happened. Bad luck i guess and bad decisions. I want to change my life around soo bad and I work extremely hard to do it. Everyday. But hope is becoming a dangerous thing for me and accepting my life as how it is is not. I need an out. Honestly, I need more money so I can at least survive on my own and have a quality of life without an abusive boyfriend but NOTHING is working out. ANY. ADVICE.


mife arts January 10, 2017 at 9:14 pm

Dump that shitass “boyfriend” of yours – he’s doing nothing but bringing you down to the shithole of a life he lives, not kidding.


Rong January 30, 2015 at 10:56 am

Mine is more of not knowing what exactly I want to do. I have things that I enjoy, but are not lucrative (reading, listening to music, etc.) or simply are difficult when it comes to job availability where I am (astronomy, writing, being a film director). Even if there are good prospects, there are a lot of careers that I simply perform badly in because I am not too intelligent, have ADD and social anxiety, and am an introvert. Maybe I can be a critic but I don’t know how to get there and I don’t quite fancy it. My parents pushed me into things that I don’t like to do, but I don’t have much choice as they are the ones paying for my useless business degree (the liberal arts degree of the business school that results in most students winding up flipping burgers). I have tried many jobs that are a very bad fit for me and I hated and quit within a month (interior design administrative assistant, cashier, cleaner cum receptionist cum bootlicker at a yoga studio, etc). Problem is, any reachable job for me requires a high level of interpersonal interaction, which I really dislike, or is work that I just hate doing (hands-on work, working in admin, running a business, working in an office, med work or working with people). Now I am starting over again I have no idea where to start, and am paralysed from making a decision because my parents and I have all made bad job choices before, and if I go back to college, it will be an expensive mistake. I wonder if all the jobs are all the same and if I should suck it up and just keep job hopping, but it’s already putting a bad rep on my curriculum vitae. Doesn’t help that majority of people hate their jobs. Only God knows that is the right fit for me that is also able to feed me and my family reasonably well.


Mallory January 30, 2015 at 4:11 pm

Hi Alex,

I’m so glad I found this page because for a long time it felt like I was the only one who didn’t have a clue about what to do with my life. I’ll be 25 next month and seeing as how I’ll be a quarter century old, I figured that by now, I should know what to do with my life. My father is a successful doctor, my mother is an occupational therapist, and my younger sister is putting herself through nursing school. I don’t have a mind for science, so those careers were never going to be an option for me. So, I clung to what I knew…

Growing up I was told that if you make good grades in school, you will get into a good college and if I made good grades there I’d have a high paying job and I’d be successful. So, even though I hated school, I worked very hard and I made good grades. I got into a good University where for the first time I realized I’d have to pick a major. I just wanted school to be over with and everyone I knew told me to be an English major because from there I could have options (i.e., go into law, marketing, advertising, teaching etc.) and so I did. I graduated with honors.

I took a sales job right out of school and learned I hated it and hated working on commission. Then, I took a marketing associate job and I hated it but stayed with the same company and did admin assistant work. But, on that salary I was basically working to be able to afford to work. Who knew that $20 an hour doesn’t cover basic cost of living anymore?

I moved back home with my parents and took a temp job as a copywriter and now that just ended. So where am I now? 25 years old with an undergraduate BS degree in English, living at home, with a few great reference letters and a resume that shows me hopping around trying to figure it all out… and not a clue as to what to do next. And even if I could figure out what my dream job would be, I can’t afford to go back to school and I’m still too young to meet most of the experience requirements employers are looking for. And if one more person asks me what I do for a living or what I want to do with my life I’m pretty sure I might (for the first time ever get in trouble with the law) end up in jail on assault charges.

Please help!


The Girl Without a Paddle


Alexander Heyne March 6, 2015 at 5:09 pm

Hey Mallory –

First – who cares what other people think? Most of the lawyer and doctor friends of the world hate their lives anyway.

What next? What can you test out to see if you like? What’s something that REMOTELY could be cool to do?


Julia February 19, 2015 at 11:37 am

Well first of all sorry for my embarrasing email adress, second i have to talk to you about me, eventhough that is selfish, or at least that’s what i thought before i nedeed advice myself.
I’m a junior in highschool and i must decide about college.for the past two years i was really passionate about fashion design, but i’ve always thought that this is a superficial industry and i really want to help others, so medicine was always kind of an option at zhe back of my head.These days i feel so stressed becausr all my friends and colleagues have decided, but i can see that nobody is really passionate about their choice.I don’t want to live like that for money or aything.I want to be something in this life and i want to do something that i feel passionate about.
Sometimes i look at videos on youtube with surgeries and i kind of ser myself doinh that.It’s fascinating!the practical side of it it’s great, but i don’t know if i’m capable of learning that much theory..all my life..
And about fashion design..well i hate everything thst designers do these days.They promote kim k and other trash ppl.ART is beautifull, it makes world a better place, but one day i just woke up and i din’t feel that passion anymore…i don’t know what’s up with my brain.
Sometimes i think about business school, combined with foreign language( i speak german, english romanian and curently learning japanese and french).It is exciting when i imagine myself as a leader eventhough i’m an introvert:)).In business there are so many options..
But whatever i do, i want passion, happiness anf money fot me and others if i can’t hlep them directly.
Thank you!


Trista February 28, 2015 at 11:21 pm


I am a 22 year old Nanny, married to a successful rig worker. We are very comfortable financially wise however that is [almost] 100% his doing. I feel like I need to do something with my life, or be something and I’m not. And I’m not happy about it. I want to contribute, have my own money, be my own person, have my own career. The list goes on and on. The big problem: I have only a little schooling, no degree, and no dream. That’s the tough one. When people ask me: what’s your dream? What are you passionate about? And I can’t answer it. I don’t know.

What does a person do when they don’t have a “dream”?



Alexander Heyne March 6, 2015 at 4:54 pm

Hey Trista,

Start trying things out and see what works and connects with you :-). The lack of school, degree, etc. don’t matter. Only the hunger for a better life does.


Kristina March 12, 2015 at 11:06 am

Hello, okay so I’m a junior in high school so college is getting extremely close and fast. I somewhat know what I want to do but at the same time I have no clue. My grades are pretty average not amazing or anything but not horrible. (It sounds like I don’t try but trust me I do) I’m one of those people who keep to themselves most of the time and I’m usually just stuck in my head thinking about a lot of things. I mean I have friends but J don’t know I feel like I have them just to have them. I really don’t have many hobbies or talents that I could turn into a career. Every time I say that people say, “everyone has a talent” and just other motivational quotes like that. But I’m being completely serious when I say I don’t. I guess you can just say I somewhat roam through life because I have to and it’s just become routine. I do the same thing everyday and I’m pretty tired. The main classes I do well in are english, history, and psychology. Psychology is something I’m genuinely interested in and it intrigues me but it takes a lot of work and years of college and I’m barely motivated to get through the day let alone years of that. Although, I do well in that and understand a lot of the concepts I don’t know if that’s for me. I don’t want to be one of those people who end up being stuck with a job they never wanted for the rest of their life and resenting their decisions forever. I’m always very indecisive just thought I’d throw that in here. So do you have any suggestions? Or am I just hopeless.


Matthew March 16, 2015 at 7:39 pm

Hi everyone! I am so happy to have found this site and am not the only one going through the same problem everyone else my age is as well! :) So I currently go to college (community college) and getting my associates in Liberal Arts. I have maybe 5 classes left and I will receive my degree. Currently, I am thinking of switching to get my General Studies Degree with Business. I have 3 years of retail experience and I was just fired last week from my job at CVS for a ridiculous reason. It has put me down, and been somewhat depressed because now I am unemployed, with a car lease payment, insurance, and credit cards. Right now, I have the slightest clue what I want to do with my life and no idea what would interest me. But ….I personally would LOVE to own a business, be my own boss, just not sure what to start. Has anyone else had some similar issue and finally figured it out what they want to do?! Thank you!!!!! :) :) :)


tia May 20, 2015 at 2:31 am

the answer is easy as to what y should do because you indicated it yourself. You want to own your own business! The first step would be to enroll in either a diploma or degree program majoring in business. That will give you at least a couple years to figure out which business you would like to own. Your professors and school counsellor should be able to guide you through the process. Try not to overwhelm yourself in the meantime and take one step at a time. Working part-time somewhere can suck while your in school so try to make sure you only apply for jobs that your even remotely interested in. Good luck!


Saloni March 26, 2015 at 12:51 pm

So i am 17 years old and honestly i have no true calling in my life. This is the time for us to fill college application forms and you know just gear up for college. And i have no idea what do i want to study or do in the future. I picked and studied subjects in highschool just because my parents wanted me to study those particular subjects and i hated every komet. I dont want college to be the same. But the problem is i dont even know what i want to do. My biggest fear is college being the same as highschool. Like i know what i dont want to do but have no idea about what i want to do.


pj March 26, 2015 at 7:42 pm

Hi Alex,
I am a 26yr old Resort service agent coordinator and I can’t stand my job, but it’s what I know.
Currently I work 65hrs a week with little to no social life and for an employer that could care less about reality and only the bottom line.
It all seems so pointless to me, I keep asking myself why I am still doing this… But I just don’t know what to do with myself.
I have skills but no idea what other jobs they would work in and I need to find something with at least a bit of balance.
I’ve spoken to friends and family and the response is always ‘Find another job’ but I don’t want to stay in this industry it’s so vain and meaningless work.
I can’t seem to come up with anything I am really passionate and don’t want to take another job just because I hate this one it would be a vicious cycle for me.
Any advice would be highly appreciated.


Keith April 16, 2015 at 2:19 pm

I am a 50 something that is lost. I was divorced in 2006 and was struggling with a new job that I wanted at the time. The transition to single life and figuring everything was daunting especially with the massive school tuition for my two kids, child support and looking for a home. Fast forward 9 years, my kids are finally out on their own, I was fired from the job I had in 2013 (not by my doing – it was political within the company – almost exactly what happened with my previous job) and have not been able to find solid work since. I have reached out to a business network here locally, but the jobs just are not there. My field is changing to interactive where my background is print. I have been skating on thin ice the entire time I was divorced because of mounting debt, home repairs, etc. I am now literally down to my last $25 and on the verge of bankruptcy. Fortunately I have a trust coming that will get me by, but with little marketability, no job prospects and completely alone I am adrift. I even have some potential health issues surfacing and no means to prevent it. I am not even sure if I want to continue to do what I am anymore, but have no clue what career change to make if that is my next step and how to get back on my feet, find abundance and someone to share my life. “Do what you love and the money will follow” is what I get told, but how do you really find what that is or means? I have listed everything out, but not making solid connections. I’m not even sure if I enjoy them at all.


Reem April 17, 2015 at 8:10 pm

Im 17. im supposed to start university in a few month and I have no idea what to major in. I know its a stupid phase that everybody goes through but im terrified. What if I hate it or if I don’t succeed in whatever I pick. im so lost I have no clue where im gonna study either. I keep telling myself that eventually I’ll find out like everyone else but time is going by so quickly and im still as lost as a was when I first started. You don’t need to answer I just needed to tell someone who understands because everyone I tell doesn’t get it. Anyways its nice to see that there are others going through this. :)


Vasundhara May 11, 2015 at 1:40 pm

Hello! I am from India and i am 20 years old. I just graduated with a bachelors in economics and i am sitting for the masters entrance exams in less than a week. Economics and maths have been the love of my life for the past few years and i wouldn’t mind studying them further. But, i cannot imagine myself in a 9 to 5 job after studying. I interned at this finance company for a month and loathed the experience. While i got to learn loads and that information helped me A LOT in my classes, i wouldn’t wish to go back and work there or in any corporate office.
Right now, all my friends have planned their MBAs and MAs and know what they are going to do with their lives. The biggest problem with me is that i never work hard. While i know this is a bad thing, but its not with everything i do. I love taking care of animals and can do that 24/7, or something creative (i used to dance). While i cannot think of a career in any of these things, i don’t think that i have tried them all (all the careers that i could take up) but then i don’t have any idea of what they could be. Another thing is that i cannot waste this year. I haven’t been studying for my entrances and there is no way of me clearing any of those. Being an Indian, and a girl, i get the usual threats of being married off if i don’t do something with my life and i don’t doubt those for a second. While i do need time to figure things out, nothing comes forward,nothing at all. I am clueless and very scared. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.


Marissa Jespersen May 13, 2015 at 1:27 pm

Hi. I stumbled across your site and I want to share where I am at right now.

I am a 31 year old mom of 4 kids. My husband and I married and had our first when we were 19&18. I am a stay at home mom. I am struggling every day. I am severely depressed. I love my husband but things are not the same. I love my kids but I feel stuck. I can’t do anything to get unstuck because we can’t afford daycare for me to work. Plus I married right out of highschool. I have no job skills other than fast food and a file clerk. We can’t afford to send me to school but at the same time we make too much to apply for financial aid. I am scared I completely wasted my life. I have no passions, no interests, no talents, and no purpose. Motherhood eventually ends. You spend all your time lifting them up and helping them find their path only to be left alone with no purpose. I am completely depressed and turning away from everyone. My Marriage is suffering. I am stopped taking care of myself because I feel “what’s the point?” What’s the point when I have no purpose in life.


mife arts January 10, 2017 at 9:18 pm

Maybe your kids and marriage ARE your purpose in life…or one of many…right in front of you, yet you can’t see it…or rather don’t WANT to see it.


Andrew Nix May 13, 2015 at 10:28 pm

I’m probably not anything like what you usually get. I’m not in college, or thinking about college, or even really high school at this point. I’m in 7th grade and the school year’s almost over, and despite the fact that I’ve accomplished a lot, I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. {{{{{please just skip the next part its not necessary for the advice I need I just needed to write down my thoughts}}}}}}} [I could easily say I’m the best in my class in Spanish and science, and probably the best 7th grader in my 9th grade math class. I train for American Ninja Warrior and that makes me kinda strong and a lot of people respect me for that. I’m good at some sports, ok at others, I know easily how to deal with the constant ridiculing that comes along with middle school sports, and I give my fair share of it in a joking way during tennis because I can pretty much beat everybody. I can play a lot of instruments extremely well for my age and I’m in a high school level orchestra seated higher than plenty of seniors, countless 10th and 11th graders, and every single freshman playing my instrument. I write music and have made arrangements of songs people my band have requested. There are two classes and one of them unfortunately the one that I’m not in really appreciates these. ][[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Well, in middle school no one actually really gives a fuck about these things except for like 2 minutes a day. I can’t believe I wasted all that time just jotting down all those useless skills. Its all being social, and I have a lot of friends but they all have better friends, and any girls that I can tell like me like someone else more. I don’t really want to be cool like whatever they don’t have a real life, but I wish I had some quality that people would care about enough to be like best friends. I just don’t think that I will ever have that happen to me, the people that think like me just don’t seem to exist. So I’m going right to the point, What the F&%K Should I do With my Life? I can’t keep going on like this and dragging myself through this oh fuck this music is making me cry like this


Andrew Nix May 13, 2015 at 10:55 pm

Thanks so much for this, I know you didn’t respond yet since it’s been only like 10 minutes but just writing down my thoughts helped me figure out my problem and I’m really grateful for this opportunity to do that


tia May 18, 2015 at 7:02 pm

Alexandre Heyne

Im really lucky because I have a wonderful man in my life that’s supporting me financially. Our relationship is amazing but im struggling to decide on a career path. I don’t know what to do. I have some ideas such as yoga instructor, nutritionist, travel agent, but nothing is really screaming out to me. Im pretty confidant that I want to be a counsellor but im not very academic. I have always been more or less of a “c” student. I have an anxiety disorder and used to battle with depression. Oh and I just got diagnosed with having ADHD. Im on medication for it .. I hope it helps. I don’t want to work in retail, waitress, or make coffee. What should i do?


Taylor May 30, 2015 at 3:17 pm

I’m approaching my senior year of high school and the time to decide what I want to do is coming up fast. I know I don’t want to be stuck in a desk crunching numbers and I want to do something in the arts but my parents and everyone around me have doubts which makes me have doubts. I just don’t know if I should persue a career in such a competitive industry. I understand that there’s a chance I won’t make any money but I just don’t know what to do!!! Help!!!


Sarah June 21, 2015 at 10:39 pm

Hi Andrew!
I need some serious help!

I’m 27 years old and have NEVER had any direction in life. I’ve tried a ton of career paths and study options and hated everything.
I’m a single mum to a 5yo girl, so even thinking about study is difficult to work around kindy/school, and being able to spend time with my daughter. She is all I enjoy, aside from watching TV series and playing The Sims. And I’m not kidding. Those are the only things I enjoy. There are no activities (and I’ve had activities, don’t get me wrong) that I like. I don’t think I have anything that makes me speak passionately so my eyes light up. When I answered your “genie gives you endless money” and “I don’t give a f***” questions, I know I’d be living in the country on a couple of acres with some pets and my girl, but I literally don’t do anything.

Am I just some strange case of weirdo with no interests? I know a lot of what I DON’T want but I just don’t know anything I do want. And when I try to think about it, I come up completely blank.

Please help. You are my last resort before just sucking it up and admitting defeat and finding another terrible, underpaid overstressful job that I hate, just so that I can move out of home.


Annabel July 26, 2015 at 11:40 pm

It’s my senior year and I’ve absolutely no idea on what to do. I skipped my junior year because I took extra credit online classes. My parents and relatives are always urging me to become a doctor/lawyer/etc. And while I respect people for those jobs, it’s not something I want to spend my life doing. On the other hand, I also want to be financially secure and be able to support my friends if needed. History, languages, & psychology are topics I absolutely adore. However, I’m not quite sure if I want my career to be based around those topics. It’s my last year and I’m just so worried and lost. ACT, SAT, college prep, picking a college (abroad, out-of-state, community, etc.), major/minor, degree, finances, job, everything’s making me so stressful.


John October 9, 2016 at 2:36 am

Thank you!!!! I feel like that right now in MY senior year! Drinking chamomile hasn’t helped one bit lol. Carry on…


Katie August 18, 2015 at 11:41 am

Hi, is this still active? And is your email alexander@milkthepigeon.com? – Katie


Alexander Heyne November 17, 2015 at 8:43 pm

Yep :-) Better to use my gmail though.


Katie August 18, 2015 at 11:48 am

I tried to email Alexander / at / Milkthepigeon.com but that is not a valid email address. Please advise.


Ariana Cowdery October 5, 2015 at 5:37 pm

I am a 17, almost 18 year old little girl just starting life in a ginormous, scary world. It actually doesn’t scare me that much as it once did, but I guess what scares me about myself in particular is that I am a huge introvert, but I have huge dreams. I would love to incorporate travel and photography into my life and just being with nature. My hobbies involve going outside when it’s nice out and I usually go somewhere where I know that there’s going to be a nice, pretty sunset and I take photos. You can’t really make much of a career out of that, I know. And I am trying REALLY hard to be realistic and smart about the choices I make while I’m currently a freshman in college. Right now I’m an Undecided – Nursing major. I used to really want to be a nurse or even a doctor possibly, but now I realize that I don’t have as much of a passion for it as I once did in the past. I would rather be at work doing dished at Burger King, even though I sort of dislike the job anyways because people are so negative and rude. But I guess I just like it because dishes is relaxing and I get to think a whole lot. I am usually on boards for the most part packing burgers, which I kind of enjoy too because I love the rush the store gets when we get busy, but I also hate it when we screw up orders and we have to re-make stuff especially when we are still in a rush. But all of that aside, I KNOW I want a steady job, but I want to enjoy it. But sometimes it’s hard to find when you can’t find the perfect job for yourself. I know that not every career is 100% enjoyable. But I want it to be enjoyable for the majority of the time. I want to have a family someday, like every girl would. I want to travel the world, like every adventurer would wish. But it’s hard to do when you’re in conflict between reality, your skills, the superficial, and especially when you’re a girl with a big family in general and you always feel like you need to do something to help people. I want to be free and have experiences and I know that my priorities deal with realistic things as of right now. But I need to figure out how to blend everything smoothly and make it as manageable as I possibly can.


Niki October 29, 2015 at 6:25 pm

Hi Alex,

This is strange to me the idea of asking someone who knows nothing about me to give me advice on my life. But i’m open to anything at this point. I am 20 years old and i have no idea what i want to do with my life (i am sure you have heard this before). The only way i can explain it is by starting from the beginning, my whole life i moved around. I have been to 9 different schools, lived in over 20 houses and lived in 3 states, and I’ve never felt i truly belong anywhere. My parents are not your typical happy married couple who have been married for almost 22 years, they are more in the category of should have gotten a divorce 21 years ago. I thought when i was a kid that because my family had money and i had everything i wanted meant i was happy but i never felt happy. I grew up around my parents who only knew how to do one thing and that was yell, yelling at each other and yelling at me and my little brother but always yelling. By yelling, I mean get into a fight and call the cops on each other fighting which led to my brother and i being dragged out of bed by cops occasionally.. So my whole life all i saw was an extremely unhealthy relationship and i told myself i don’t want to ever have a relationship like that, i want love, happy healthy unconditional love. Because of the problems my parents had with themselves and each other i was forced to grow up very fast, i was the oldest therefor i wasn’t the one they sheltered from there arguments, i would pick up the pieces by talking to both of them about it and try and resolve there marriage. As a kid i thought i was doing the right thing i was helping my mom and dad but now i see that i really shouldn’t have been the one counseling them, i should have been the kid not the adult. I was always the kid who excelled in sports but never really stuck to anything once i got good at it and i never had good grades in school because i just didn’t care about school. I never dated or had anything close to a boy friend my whole life until i met my current boyfriend right before my 19th birthday. Let me just tell you i have never met a person that has been through as much as he has and turn out to be a great guy, kind, loving, understanding, and fully excepts me and every flaw i have (including my family). We didn’t have an easy start.. 3 months into our relationship i got pregnant and together we decided that parenthood at 19 and 21 was not the life we wanted. We do not regret this decision and to this day we are still together and full of love. The problem i am facing now is a result of my life and everything that has happened. I don’t feel i have a true calling in life, nothing jumps out at me when i think about careers, absolutely nothing. My boyfriend grew up polar opposite of me while i had everything i ever wanted he didn’t have anything he wanted.. But he has his own calling in life and i couldn’t be more proud to be by his side and watch him grow.. but i feel like i am not growing, i feel like i am not reaching towards a goal of something greater. I graduated high school a semester early and went right into community college and basically i was not motivated enough to be there so i wasn’t. I didn’t study, i wouldn’t show up to class, i basically put no effort into school because my whole life i never really had too. I would switch schools so often that the curriculum’s were different and i would either skip a whole portion in a class or i would be taking a class and learning things i was already taught. As a result i dropped out of college after a year and decided i no longer want to live at home and i wanted to fully support myself. I have been working 40 hours a week ever since and have busted my butt to be able to pay for everything. Everything was amazing, i live with my boyfriend, we both have good jobs, granted there was some family drama but there always is in my family. Last week i received a call from my boss saying she would not be hiring my back after my month off.. No reason was given, she said i was a hard worker and that she would write me a letter of recommendation for the future. I talked to several people trying to find answers as to why i wasn’t being re hired but no one would tell me. I have had an emotional week ever since then, having dreams at night that i was failing life, failing my parents, and failing myself. I have had some severe anxiety about it because i guess what i hate the most is not knowing what i did or didn’t do wrong. Now i am coming to terms that i may not ever know but i don’t know what to do next. Do i go back to school and work a crap job on the side so i have money to pay my bills, or do i get another job or 2 jobs and stay where i am and not move forward. I don’t think i am mentally ready to go back and i wanted to wait another year and go back on my own but my parents are pushing school on me so much in fact that they have told me to move out of my house and move home, break up with my bf, and go to school because if i don’t i will fail at life. Yes, that is what i am told by them that if i do not go to school then i am failing at life and will never make it in the world. I am so conflicted because i really really want to go back to school but feel if i am not mentally ready then i shouldn’t go, or should i find a job to pass the time until i go back to school.. I feel like i don’t know who to listen too; myself? but i still feel like a kid and don’t know the correct choices to make all of the time or to listen to my parents despite all of there flaws and problems and outlook on life. I don’t expect them to be perfect but they don’t seem to hear me when i say i have no idea what i want to do, i have interests but none that i would pursue and the military is out of the question for me. i just don’t know the right step to take, i feel like i am happy in my relationship and where i live and even working a job i don’t really like to pay my bills. But my family keeps telling me that in life you have a choice MONEY, TIME AND LOCATION. If you had to choose 2 which would you pick? Then they said that most people in life only get to choose one then slowly build up to the other two. Now it feels like i have to make sacrifices in order to succeed and i don’t know what they are. I don’t know what is best for me. All i know for sure is that i want to be happy and i thought i was but now i just don’t know.. there are so many things going through my head 24/7 and i feel like if i make the wrong choice i am going to either disappoint my parents and suffer the wrath of them or i am totally going to ruin my life. My apologies for the auto biography but if you have any input on what a 20 year old girl should be doing to better herself and her future i would greatly appreciate it.



Greg November 13, 2015 at 12:33 am

Hey Alex. Glad to see this site. It’s been a year and a half since I graduated college, and I’m still not sure what to do with my life. I graduated at Ferris State University with a Bachelor’s degree in Communications. Right now I’m working at Kroger part-time. I’ve applied at a lot of places, but experience seems to be the one thing that hurts me the most. I originally wanted to get into radio, but those jobs are usually part-time, and not the best paid. My dad has mentioned military, especially Navy, but I just don’t see myself doing that. My absolute dream job is to write fiction for a living, but I know I can’t rely on that. I’ve written a few on Amazon, but I know I need something to sustain myself until that happens. One of my other ideas is marketing, but it’s super tough for recent college grads. Any help would be greatly appreciated.


khushbu December 26, 2015 at 11:40 am

I just completed my study & according to my family opinion, I find out d job everywhere & atlast after one month, I got d job. but after doing accounting work, I feel I don’t like this type of work rest of my whole life & I don’t like this type of same secdule.
so tell me what can I do? d I don’t understand, which type of work I like?


Maryann February 6, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Amongst the prospective health hazards of waistline training are indigestion, rib damages, and
also bruising.


penis pokey February 13, 2016 at 12:17 pm

i still dont know what the f^&k to do with my life


Know thyself April 23, 2016 at 4:33 pm

Hi Alexander,

Im 28 and graduated from the filmacedemy 2 years ago but just realize that i might have chosen the wrong study. I have had three different jobs by now and none of them gaved me a sense of pride nor satisfaction. As a kid I was drawn towards movies and felt like I wanted to get involved with it, so naturally this study seemed obvious to me. However it didn’t turned out to be as I suspected, I don’t regret it, movies are still a hobby of mine but I just don’t see myself doing that for the rest of my life. So now here I am facing a midlife crisis, I have no clue what to do and i’m flat broke. I do have an interest in the occult/mysteries or something where I can use my detective skills, but to study for another four years seems so awfully long and not to have financial stability in my 30’s feels uncomfortable. This has me depressed, I feel like an empty shell with no inspiration and no direction in life. What can I do? I hope you can give me inspiration and some new insight towards perhaps a new direction.


Marcelo May 18, 2016 at 4:14 pm

I am 21 years old. I have been at a community college for 3 1/2 years. I am almost done with my generals but I struggled a lot with my studies and I am near the end of my general classes at 48 units. I dropped a lot of classes which is why I am still trying to finish. Almost all of my classes I had were not from my major which is Environmental studies, those classes I did on average Cs or Bs. The major classes I got all As and Bs so I think those general classes were just something I did not have much interest. I talked to my teacher about where in the environment profession I should work, he said the places that make the most money is the engineering and technology section. I’ve had a lot of trouble with math however having to start from the very bottom of basic algebra and I have passed three classes but I am in intermediate Algebra and i have failed it three times. So i don’t know if if should do technology if im not every good a math. I am questioning my major, but I feel I really want to make a difference when it comes to protecting the environment but I’m not sure where exactly I can do that. Is there any advice or guidance into what I should be doing to make a path to where I can go.


Ralph May 20, 2016 at 1:51 pm

This is a different post. I am in my mid forties and still have yet to determine my true purpose in life. I feel as if this should have been established two decades ago. And it’s not for lack of trying.

I will look at the books and posts on the site. But does anyone have any other ideas?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.


Alexander Heyne June 6, 2016 at 10:53 am

Hey Ralph,

I don’t think one purpose ever crystalizes, at least it hasn’t happened for me. I find that when I’m in engaged in work I care about, worrying about this stuff falls away.


Wiki July 14, 2016 at 7:05 pm


I just found your article, because as most ppl when they got problems the first thing I did was google it. I hope it’s not as sad as it sounds. Still… as other ppl here shared theyr experience and sturggles, I decided to do the same.
So here I am:
I am a 23 year old female. When I was 16 I started a five year course in Textile Design in Austria. After I graduated I had no idea what to do. It’s hard to find a job as a Textil Designer, and I did try to find a decent job… so I decided to study. Well, long story short I failed one of two tests and wasn’t able to study it further so I went into another course: Illustration in England. My family had some money saved up so I was grateful and at that time I thought it was a great idea… no, it really wasn’t. The Uni wasn’t how I thought it would be, I wasn’t able to get friends, no one wanted to talk to me. (I am polish, so I think it had something to do with racism too? Dunno…) So I had the chance for the second semester to take up an Erasmus program in Belgium. And I did. It was way better there, so after that one year I came home and I had a tough wake-up call. My family has much more finance struggles then I thought, and I felt(still feel tbh) guilty about it, because so much money was invested, when in the end, the degree wasn’t so great as it was supposed to be when I started it.
The thing is, I always wanted to do something with art. Write books, draw and illustrate. Get into movies. Now, there is the possibilty of a Media Design school, but I don’t know if they’ll take me. There is another Uni I am interested in but the deadline for the application for this year already ended. Also I am looking for a job but… no one wants me.
So, now I am thinking of taking up a training/schooling where I get paid some Eur and maybe also can work on something that I enjoy: cooking.

The thing is… yes I do enjoy cooking very much, but I build my life around art and design etc and now, because of finances should I change all my plans? Because I don’t get a job, or because I school won’t take me in?
Maybe this all doesn’t really sound as bad as it feels but still… my family struggles a lot at the moment. And it sucks. It really sucks.
Because I don’t want to get sick again, or fall into depression. Or…
Egh, I’ll just stop here now.

Thank you for reading, and if you are going to answer… thank you very much for that :)


Anisa October 3, 2016 at 12:25 am

God, reading all these comments made me feel better about my self and the fact that I do know what I want to do with my life….


John October 9, 2016 at 2:33 am

So here’s the run-down. I’m currently 17 years old, and almost out of highschool (thank god! Fucking hate this place), writing in the library. I have a vague “feeling” of what I want to major in, but haven’t chosen which college or country I would like to attend for uni. I’m thinking of taking a gap year, but I’m not sure. Right now I feel like a winded traveler, sitting on a giant boulder overlooking hundreds of paths and never knowing which one to choose. These couple of days, after I finish school at 3PM, I go home and sleep until it gets dark, around 6-7PM and I just feel so stuck and alone right now. I don’t have many friends that i could TRULY call my friends… I feel so listless and tired most of the time and getting stupider every passing day….I don’t read as much as I used to since moving to the UAE; don’t exercise or “move” as much as I used to; and (to me the most scary)…don’t FEEL as much as I used to. People in my life (especially in school) are unusually crueler, meaner, and superficial. Because my parents are old…I’m somewhat expected to get a job and help the house or something….I’m so scared of what my life and my family’s life will be. I need help in getting motivated. I don’t feel good…haven’t been for the past year now.


Maya October 15, 2016 at 7:33 pm

Hey alex,
So I was searching again hopelessly to try to find out what I want to do with my life and I came across this website and I could really use some guidance. I’m currently 18 in freshman and haven’t decided my major, I love studying and back in high school I was an A student in everything (I’m really flexible and really good at any subject – even physics even though I loathe it – or activities) I use to love criminal law but circumstances changed ( I moved and I cant do law where I currently am since I don’t know the language well, and I cant move back because my parents currently live here and there’s no way they’re gonna let me leave + I’ve heard some of the negative effects criminal law does and it doesn’t seem to fascinating anymore). So now, I have a few more months to enter a college and have to have my major down, and I have no idea what I want. Parents are pushing me into medicine and becoming a doctor and I know ill be good at it but I want passion in my career not something passive I know ill be good at. I know for sure I want to become a yogi but that’s a hobby I need a real career with it, and I have no idea what to think anymore, I know passion is just an illusion but I don’t know which field I should place it in (if I really wanted to I could love anything by convincing myself I do, but I want that passion I feel instantly knowing that this is what I want to do). All in all, considering myself and the hard years I endured (many battles with myself, losing all my friends, enhancing my relationship with my family etc.) I found myself and am very content and trust the timing of my life, but time is running out and I still don’t have a clue what to do. I don’t know what’s out there for me, I searched colleges here and their majors, website suggestion on majors, and none clicked with me. What I’m really asking for is some guidance in trying to figure out what I want as a career and a well paying job (doing yoga can wait until the hard work of studying is done, and I’m completely settled down in a nice job). You think you can help me out? Send me on the right path??
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you can help me in any way possible.


Koryn November 28, 2016 at 4:38 am

Hi Alex, I have been struggling since middle school to figure out with what I want to do with my life because I have so many dreams. I want to start a non-profit, be in a band, learn 15 languages along with 15 instruments, do photography, write a couple of books, make a couple of movies, learn archery, do comedy, become president, make a couple of T.V shows, model, sing, and travel. I have made a lot of specific plans on how to achieve all of these things over my lifetime, but I’m too lazy to do them. I hate myself for it every day because I already feel as if I’ve wasted so much time. I visualize myself in the future so much that it takes me out of the present. I get caught up in these imaginations as well, it’s like i’m stuck in this world or fantasy of how i’ll be. My biggest fear in life is to die and not be able to accomplish anything period. Obviously I probably won’t be able to do all of these, but I will still feel like a failure to myself if I don’t. I am currently a freshman in college and have decided to double major in Cultural Anthropology and International Relations, along with a minor in Africana Studies. Because I plan on going to law school after to get my masters in international relations and a J.D at this program at Yale (If by some miracle I get in). The college I attend requires every student to learn a language and I want to master guitar and piano while I’m in college. After I can play other instruments and create a strategy from there. Same with language, I want to start with French because I want to work in North Africa, and learn Mandarin Chinese and Portuguese soon after. Which can open up to adapting other languages. After going to that law school, I want to get my PHD in Cultural Anthropology to conduct research and teach others about different perspectives. While in College I also want to write my first book and perfect it, however long that takes. I guess my end goal is to tell a story of others through different mainly through writing and learning about other cultures. Now, all of these things I want to do, but I still haven’t found anything I enjoy doing. I know that sounds stupid and weird, but I don’t find any joy in life right now and I currently find college to be meh. It’s like that at home as well, everything I’ve been doing or haven’t been doing has made me question everything about myself. I don’t know my path, and I don’t know if I will ever find something that excites me, I have good ideas and create specific plans to make it happen, but I’m too lazy to execute them and retreat back to my imagination (though does help with story ideas). I tried solving this by focusing on a few things, but I still won’t do it. I’m not good at anything except writing, but I lose interest in it like everything else in my life. I feel as though I’m setting myself up for failure and through a pity party about which deepens my depressions. How do I get out of this cycle of bullshit and actually do something? How do I motivate myself to work towards it? I honestly don’t know what to do with my life, sure I have all of these goals and ideas, but what if it’s just a waste of time? I don’t want to wake up crying every day wanting to end because I’ve fucked up. Where should I go?


kavya November 30, 2016 at 8:34 pm

Hay Alex,
Coming accidentally here in your site, I kind of really liked it.
Okay, about me..I’ll be 21 by next year and do not know what to do for living. I’m in final semester of Civil engineering which i do not have a clue what’s that about. I took the course with my own knowledge and now I couldn’t apologize myself for that. Neither I know anything about it nor I’ve tried knowing it. I hail from Indian middle class family and my father wants me to take some banking exams or try some kind of government jobs. I’m definitely not interested i any of these. I don’t even know what I really want. All I know is I wanna make good money, car and other expensive things. At present I wish to become a news reader and I’m not sure how to and whom to approach. I’m really kind of freaking every night and I’m depressed thinking about my life. Not sure why I wrote such a lengthy crap, still thank you for your time if you read this and definitely hoping for a good solution.


Dalton Beck February 5, 2017 at 11:28 pm

Hello Mr. Heyne. I am quite overwhelmed with my life and what choices I need to make right now. I am 16 years old, and I’m a junior at a highschool. I have started two businesses of my own already and have a decent income, however I am just not happy. I like the money and getting it, but I hate the obsession that people have over it. It makes me feel sick whenever I speak to investors or clients when all they can think about is how to make more money regardless of the consequences it leaves the rest of the world with. My parents are very conservative, and whenever I mention something such as hey, maybe I should go to College on the west coast in Los Angles in an art program, they always have a negative response. I have no earthly Idea what the hell I want to do with my life and how I am going to get there. I would love to just be adventurous and see where life takes me, however I am aware of how unrealistic this may seem to some people. I have tried to do everything for the better to see how it turns out. I have all A+’s or higher in my classes in school, Running 2 businesses, Running Track, and helping my dad work. None of this makes me happy though. If you could please give me some advice I would be very grateful. Thanks.


Angelica Martinez March 2, 2017 at 5:31 pm

Hi Mr. Heyne,

I was hoping you could help me out with a problem I have. I moved to NYC about 1.5 years ago and have worked fairly steady 9-5s. Got an internship, got a job, got laid off (company closed), got another job. They have been at very prestigious companies and peoples eyes always shoot up when I mention where I work. The problem is I’m miserable. I’ve realized already that a 9-5 (or 9-730 in my case) slowly kills my will to live. Every Sunday night I have a mental breakdown. I don’t care about what I’m doing, and I count down the minutes until I can leave. I feel like I have no purpose, which is so different than how I used to be, when I was in school and so excited about what my life would bring. In my opinion that is no way to live. I fantasize about quitting and babysitting (I do this on weekends already) until I really figure out what I want to do, while giving me time to work on my artistic pursuits. However, I’m scared that should I want to come back into my field, I will burn these bridges. I’ve only been in my current position for 5 months. I don’t want my references (which are great) to think badly of me. Basically–should I be impulsive and quit now, which is what I want to do, or wait a full year, which looks better on my resume? Should I even care about what these people think of me?



Alexander Heyne July 19, 2014 at 6:50 pm

Stefani –

“What then” is a question that will forever leave you miserable. If you don’t stop thinking about the future, it’s impossible to be happy – and get rid of that anxiousness and hopelessness. Just focus on the next step – what’s the next step?


Alexander Heyne March 6, 2015 at 4:53 pm

If you love nature and biology, and you know you’d love that career, work hard to pass those classes. Just because it is hard doesn’t mean you should avoid it.


Alexander Heyne March 6, 2015 at 5:09 pm

Hi Rong –

If you look for it, you can find 100 reasons why you won’t be successful. But if you look for it, you can find 100 reasons why you CAN be successful.


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